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guiltypleasure

Page history last edited by PBworks 17 years, 2 months ago

Guilty Pleasure

 

Author: NA54

Fandom: Dukes of Hazzard

Pairing(s): Bo/Luke

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Rape, Bondage, First Time, Graphic Sex

Spoilers: none

Summary: One of the boys has a problem, can the other help him through it? Where will it all lead? The Duke boys as you've never seen them before.

 

Nominated Category:

Most Angst: TV & Movies


 


 

 

Italics and/or* indicate thoughts.

------ change in point of view

 

 

Chapter 1

 

He looked around the parking lot, searching for familiar faces before going inside. Satisfied that his secret was still safe, the young man walked into the non-descript building that housed it's own secret. Walking up to the long bar, he ordered a beer and waited. He had been here often and knew the wait would be a short one. Looking around the room, careful not to linger too long on any one face, avoiding eye contact, he searched for a likely candidate. The club was packed as it always was on a Friday night. Throughout the room, men sat at small tables and in booths, talking and arranging the details of their games. Though music played in the background, there was no dancing taking place, the men here came to this club for a different sort of dance. One the young man at the bar was all too familiar with.

 

 

 

Darkening his lights, the watcher parked across the street and observed his subject. *Why is he coming here? This doesn't make any sense, what could be inside that warehouse that he thinks he needs to hide? Damn it, what has he gotten involved with?* Waiting for the man to go inside, the watcher waited a few minutes before following. Stepping inside the warehouse, he was surprised to find himself in a bar. Looking around he saw the men at the tables and booths, heard the music playing in the background and the buzz of whispered conversations. There didn't seem to be much to the place. A long bar, covered one wall, a mirror matching it's length on the wall behind. Tables and booths crowded the floor, every table occupied, while those unable to find a table stood at the bar and around the room. The walls were covered with black paint, further enhancing the already dim lighting, none of this was making any sense to the watcher. Why drive all this way to go to a bar...staggering slightly with sudden realization the watcher began to understand. *A gay bar? This is a gay bar, but...he's not gay. Don't be stupid, of course he is, why else would he be here? * He was so lost in thought, he nearly missed it when the person he followed walked away from the bar with another man.

 

 

Following down the hall, he stayed back, not ready to explain himself. Hearing a door open, he came around the corner in time to see the man he followed shoved into another room. Running down the hall, he stood listening outside the door, unsure of his next step. His first instinct had been to protect, but what if his protection was neither wanted or needed? Standing outside the door, trying to decide what to do, he jumped slightly when a hand landed on his back.

 

 

"Were you asked to participate sir?" A man's voice asked.

 

 

Turning around, the watcher looked at the other man in surprise, "Participate?" he squeeked out, confused.

 

 

"You haven't been here before have you?"

 

 

 

"Um...no I haven't. What did you mean?"

 

 

"The men in this room are playing out a scenario. I'm afraid you can't enter the room unless you were invited by one of the participants. However the management does understand your curiosity and has provided observation rooms. We've found this to be especially useful for those who are new to the scene and haven't yet found their niche. If you'd like, you may make use of the observation room, the younger man is quite popular and I'm sure you'll be given a wonderful show." The man spoke to the watcher in a matter of fact voice, as though watching two men doing whatever it was they were doing, was perfectly natural.

 

 

Looking at the closed door, the watcher knew that this might be his only chance to find out what was going on. So, swallowing the bile he felt rising in his throat, the watcher nodded his agreement and stepped into the observation room. Surprised when the man from the hall followed him in, he was embarassed to think that this man would see him as he watched the others. He smiled weakly at the man when he simply turned on the intercom allowing him to hear as well as see what was happening in the next room. Returning the smile, the man left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Turning to the window, the watcher was just in time to see the younger man drop to his knees and begin opening the other man's pants.

 

 

After a short conversation, the two men had left the main room and walked down the hall to one of the back rooms. Opening the door, the older man shoved the younger into the room. "Strip," he ordered in a commanding voice.

 

 

Keeping his eyes averted, the younger man slowly began to open the snaps on his shirt. Sensously sliding it from his shoulders, he allowed the shirt to fall to the floor. Toeing off his boots, he simultaneously reached for the buckle of his belt. Unsnapping the tight jeans, he slowly pulled the zipper down and pushed the jeans down long legs, followed a moment later by his boxers. Casually stepping out of the puddle of clothes, he stood awaiting the next order.

 

 

"Service me bitch."

 

 

Dropping gracefully to his knees, the young man carefully opened the other man's pants, freeing the older man's cock. Placing his hands behind him, the young man leaned forward and tentatively licked at the drop of pre-cum glistening on the other man's cock. Slowly drawing the head into his mouth, the young man began to move his head up and down on the older man's cock. Swirling his tongue around the man's cock as he sucked, the young man felt himself becoming aroused. Flushing in shame, hating himself for what he was doing, and yet, he continued to service the man in front of him, unable and unwilling to stop.

 

 

Feeling himself about to cum, the older man looked down at the man kneeling in front of him, contempt in his eyes. "You better swallow every drop bitch," he growled out a moment before shooting his load into the waiting throat. Pulling his cock from the moist heat, the older man stepped away, smiling in satisfaction at the bowed head of the younger man. The man stood admiring the young man who had so expertly sucked him off, looking closer he couldn't help noticing the partially aroused state of the man before him. "Oh my, it seems you enjoyed that a bit too much. Stand up!" Walking over to a cabinet near the bed, he pulled a small device from the drawer. Coming back to the younger man, he showed him the device, smiling at the look of surprise on the beautiful young face. Reaching out he roughly grabbed the younger man's dick and none too gently applied the cock ring he had taken from the cabinet. "You cum when, and if, I say you can, do you understand?"

 

 

"Yes sir," came the meek reply, the younger man making no protest at the rough treatment.

 

 

"Did you speak? Did I give you permission to speak?"

 

 

Shaking his head in the negative, the young man trembled in fear knowing he had messed up.

 

 

Stalking to the wall, the man pulled open a hidden closet and removed a short whip. Returning to the younger man, he began to whip the trembling young man. "You will speak only when I give you permission, do you understand? Speak!"

 

 

"Ye...yes sir."

 

 

"Very good, but I think you need a lesson about who's in charge. Kneel!"

 

 

Dropping to his knees the young man trembled with fear and excitement, his partially erect cock now completely full, he moaned softly with need. Suddenly his head was jerked backwards by a hand in his hair. Looking up, he saw the older man staring at him in anger. *What did I do? Oh no, I moaned didn't I?*

 

 

"You want to cum bitch?" The man softly asked, his voice deceptively calm. "Maybe...if you provide enough entertainment. I'm having a party and I always wanted a pinata, guess what bitch? You get to be the pinata at my party, my friends will be here soon and we're gonna see if we can break my pinata. Trembling with excitement already? Or is it fear?" Looking into the eyes of his victim, the older man leaned down, "No, I think it's excitement. You want this don't you?" Pausing to glance at his watch, the man released his hold, allowing the younger man to look away. "Well pretty one looks like my friends will be here soon, I think it's time to prepare you for the party." Walking to the closet, he removed several items and returned to the young man kneeling on the floor. Stepping behind him, the older man attached cuffs to the young man's wrists, cruelly tightening them. Following this up with a slave collar around the neck, he stepped back to admire the view while he waited for his friends.

 

 

 

In the observation room the watcher fought down the urge to vomit. He didn't understand any of this, why was he allowing himself to be treated like this? The man he knew would never let somebody humilate him and use him like this. At least he had never thought he would, maybe he didn't know the man as well as he had thought. The door in the adjoining room drew his attention, he saw three more men entering the room. Looking back at the man he had followed, he was surprised to see that a blindfold now covered his eyes.

 

 

Inside the room, the older man heard the latch on the door begin to click. Reaching forward he quickly placed a blindfold on the younger man, covering his eyes. "Sorry play pretty, my friends are shy so I'm afraid you won't be allowed to set your eyes on them. Come in gentelmen, come in. How do you like my pinata?" Seeing the looks of lust on the faces of the other men, he motioned one of them forward. "Would you like to be the first to see if you can break the pinata?"

 

 

Stepping in front of the young man, the large man looked down at him. Looking to the other men in the room, it was soon apparent he was the one in charge now. Motioning to the man who had first accompanied the young man into the room, he waited while the man retrieved one more item from the closet. Waiting patiently, he could hardly contain his excitement at the thought of what was to come. When the other man returned to stand behind the younger man, the large man nodded for him to continue.

 

 

"There is a man in front of you whore, open your mouth and service him."

 

 

Opening his mouth to obey, the young man began to panic when a ball gag was shoved into his mouth. Struggling against the hands that were suddenly clamped around his head, he was helpless to prevent the straps from being attached. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go, they weren't supposed to use the gag! He had only agreed to being a slave to this man and his two friends, but he had to be free to use his safe word. With the gag in place, he wouldn't have any way to tell them to stop if the scenario became too intense. He was surprised again when the blindfold was suddenly ripped from his eyes. Before his vision could adjust, the man in front of him leaned down and whispered in his ear.

 

 

"Hello pretty, I told you nobody turns me down," the large man snarled into his victim's ear. Straightening to his full height, he laughed maliciously at the look of terror in the blue eyes of the man before him.

 

 

*No, you can't be in here! No don't touch me, you bastard let me go! * The young man shook his head violently in denial, trying to back away. The other men in the room surrounded him, blocking his escape. Completely helpless, he couldn't prevent the large man from attaching a leash to the slave collar and forcing him to his feet. Jerked across the room, he was forced onto the bed by the other four men. Feeling the bed sinking down with the added weight of the large man, the young man desperately tried to crawl away. Fighting vainly, he tried to contain the sob when he felt hands grabbing roughly at his hips, jerking him to his knees. Struggling helplessly, he felt the other men putting their hands on him, holding him in place. Hating that he was at the mercy of these men, he shuddered in revulsion when he felt hands parting the cheeks of his ass. He couldn't help screaming around the gag as the large cock was shoved forcefully inside him, making him feel as though he were being ripped in half.

 

 

 

In the observation room, the watcher stood, sickened by what he was seeing. Startling slightly, he turned towards the opening door. "You're telling me he asked for this?" He asked the man who had originally shown him to this room.

 

 

"I know it's hard to believe, but I have learned over the years that there are as many different needs as there are people in this world." The man answered, stepping further into the room and glancing towards the window, eyes widening at the sight before him. "Shit!" Keying the mic on his walkie-talkie, he called for security. "Code red, room 13A. Code red, room 13A." Letting go of the mic, he was barely in time to stop the watcher from rushing into the next room. "Sir stop! Let security handle this, it's what they're trained for."

 

 

The watcher's eyes narrowed in anger at the words he heard the man speaking into his radio. Realizing that the man he watched was in fact being raped, that he had actually watched it happening without intervening, he rushed for the door. Struggling against the hands that held him, he was surprised that even though the man in front of him was several inches shorter, he had no trouble holding him in place. Unable to help, the watcher could do nothing but continue observing through the window as security rushed into the room.

 

 

 

Rushing into the room, the security guards arrived just as the large man pulled from the body in front of him. Quickly subduing the four men, the guards attached handcuffs to the assailants, preventing any further resistance. Before any of them could approach the young man lying on the bed, the owner of the club stepped into the room.

 

 

Surveying the scene with distaste, Madame Rochelle motioned for the security guards to remove the four men from the room. Stopping one, she took possession of his handcuff keys and quietly shut the door behind the men. Taking a deep breath, she cautiously approached the bed and knelt beside it. "It's alright now honey, you're safe." Reaching out she gently caressed the young man's cheek, waiting for him to open his eyes and recognize her presence. "I'm going to take the gag off now, okay?" Carefully removing the gag from his mouth, Rochelle gently massaged his aching jaws, stopping only when she could no longer feel any knots of tension in them. Carefully removing the slave collar next, she slowly freed him from the restraints which had held him. Taking the keys, she next released the cuffs that cruely bit into tender flesh, again massaging sore, aching muscles and speaking softly to the young man before her.

 

 

The moment he was able, the young man pulled away from Madame Rochelle, curling himself into a ball, attempting to hide himself from her eyes. Flushing with shame, he clamped his eyes tightly shut, refusing to look at the woman in front of him. A few seconds later, he relaxed slightly when he felt a soft cover being laid over him, tensing again at the fingers on his chin.

 

 

Covering the young man with a thin cover, Rochelle sat beside him on the bed and reached forward. Taking his chin in her hand, she gently tilted the handsome face towards her. "Open your eyes," smiling at the instant obedience, she felt a wave of sadness at the fear and shame she saw. "Are you going to be okay?" Receiving a hesitant nod, Rochelle went on. "I'm sorry that you were put through this, and I promise those men will never do this again. They will be kept in our holding cell until you are safely away from the club and they will never be allowed in this establishment again. I am concerned about you though, and not just because of tonight. I've been watching you come in here for months and frankly, I was afraid of something like this happening." Gently covering his mouth with her hand, stopping the apology before it could be uttered. "No, you have nothing to apologize for. I only meant that I've seen you choosing companions, each one more domineering than the last. You seem like a decent young man and I'd hate to see something like this or worse happen to you again. I don't know exactly what demons you're running from.... However, I think you should consider the possibility that facing them might be safer than the way you're dealing with them now. I can't force you to face your fears and I won't ban you from my establishment. Even though I think you are playing a very dangerous game, I know that you're safer here than you would be elsewhere." Combing fingers through his hair, she hated the trembling she could feel beneath her hand. "Now, you stay here just as long as you need to, take as much time as necessary. We will keep those men locked up until thirty minutes after you leave so you needn't worry about them. You rest honey, know that you're always welcome here, but please consider what I said." Giving his cheek a final caress, Rochelle stood and walked to the door, leaving the young man to rest.

 

 

He didn't know how long he stood watching the man lying in the bed. He was so afraid of what would happen, should he look away, he didn't dare to check his watch. Leaning against the window, he couldn't prevent the tears that streamed down his face in pain for the man he watched. Finally the man in the other room, threw back the cover and gingerly climbed to his feet.

 

 

Carefully removing the cock ring, he reached with trembling hands for his clothes which lay on the floor. Slowly pulling them on, the young man shuddered at the feel of the blood and cum running down his legs. Resigning himself to the fact that he could do nothing about it until he was home, a choked sob escaped his throat at the thought of home. Not knowing how he could face his family after tonight, but knowing he couldn't stay here forever, he fought back the tears and slowly left the room.

 

 

 

Waiting a few minutes, the watcher slowly made his way outside to his parked car. Looking at the parking lot, he was surprised to see the man he had followed was still there. Sitting in the car he'd borrowed from their mutual friend, the man he followed leaned forward, resting his head on the steering wheel. Wondering if he should go to him, not at all sure how he would react to his presence, the watcher was relieved when the decision was taken from him. Before he could make a move towards the other car, the man he watched sat up. With a look of sadness on his beautiful face, he started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, unaware of the man who followed.

 

 

 

A couple of hours later, they were nearly home when the borrowed car turned away from the main road. A few minutes later the young man brought the car to a stop and climbed out. Walking away from the car, he made his way to the cemetary that held his parents. Kneeling down between the graves, he fell across the grave which held his mother, "Mama please help me, I don't know what to do anymore. I can't tell them the truth, they'll hate me if they know, especially him. But I can't go on like this, can't keep going there and letting those men hurt me. I'm sorry mama and daddy, I know you're probably ashamed of me. I don't blame ya none, you should be. I've always missed having you here, but I'm glad you're not here now. I'm glad you aren't here to see what I've become, what I've let happen. I made a decision on the way home tonight and I had to come here before I carry it out. I need to tell you...that I love you and I'm sorry that I won't get to spend eternity with you. Mama, daddy, I hope y'all can forgive me, but I can't keep living like this." Shoving himself to his feet, the young man started back to the car, jumping in shock when a voice spoke from the shadows.

 

 

Concerned when the car in front of him suddenly left the main road, the watcher followed as close as he dared. A feeling of foreboding warning him that he didn't dare lose sight of the car in front of him, his concern grew when he realized where they were. Parking his car several yards away, he waited for the other man to get out of sight. Following after him a few minutes later, he stood in the shadows, sadly listening to the other man pouring his heart out to his dead parents. Feeling his blood run cold at the final words the other man spoke, he could keep silent no longer. "Please don't go. I don't know why you went to that club tonight, but whatever the reason we can work through it together. Please...I don't want to lose you, please let me help." The watcher held his breath, hoping that the other man would accept his help.

 


Chapter 2

 

The look of shock on his face would have been comical, if the situation hadn't been so serious. "How do you know about the club?" He asked, then suddenly his face drained of color and he collapsed to the ground, bending forward he began to violently retch. I was by his side in an instant, wrapping one arm around him, I supported him as best I could. After several minutes he finally stopped vomiting, but he didn't straighten right away. He remained curled forward, shoulders shaking with sobs, or so I thought. It was my turn to be shocked when I realized he wasn't crying, he was laughing, though I had no idea why. When he regained control of himself, he must've noticed the look on my face because he hurried to explain.

 

 

"Don't you see cousin? All of this time and the one night you decide to follow me, is the night that bastard...." He trailed off, this time breaking down in sobs and pulling away from me. "Why did you follow me anyway?" He asked, when he finally calmed down.

 

 

"I was worried about ya. You think I haven't noticed the way you've been disappearing every couple of weeks for the past few months. Or the way you'd come home and look like...you'd just lost your best friend. So, after the last time you too off, I talked to Cooter and told him to let me know if you asked him for a loaner. I just wanted to help you, and I got to tell ya, I'm glad I followed you."

 

 

 

"I can't believe you! I'm a grown man, what gives you the right to follow me around like some wet behind the ears kid?" He screamed at me angrily, though I don't think it was really me he was yelling at.

 

 

 

I tried to stay calm, I knew he had to be hurting after what had happened. Then I started thinking about what I'd seen, remembered the way he had let that man treat him like a piece of meat. Listening to him yelling at me for following him, I became angrier and angrier. And when he asked again what gave me the right, I exploded.

 

 

"How dare you ask me that! You jerk!" I screamed, standing in front of him and looking him in the eye. "You want to know what gave me the right? Okay cousin I'll tell you! The fact that we're cousins, the fact that I was afraid for you and I wasn't the only one. You think Uncle Jesse and Daisy haven't noticed something was wrong? We all love you cuz, and we were worried that whatever you were involved in was more than you could handle alone. But we knew that you've got as much Duke pride as the rest of us, so there wasn't much chance you'd ask for help. I had the right to follow you because we're family, it's the only right I need to claim when it comes to protecting those I love. I'll tell ya something else, I'm damned glad I followed you. Not because of what I saw in that club, and we will be talking about that. No, I'm glad, because if I hadn't; the next time I saw you would've been in the morgue, and that I could never survive." Running out of steam, I turned my back on him and stalked several feet away.

 

 

"I'm sorry," the soft whisper came from behind me, as a hand was laid on my back. "I never meant to worry any of you, I swear it. I just had some things to deal with, and I was doing that the best way I knew how."

 

 

"I don't understand," I told him as I turned back to face him, still as confused as ever. "How does letting strangers use you and treat you like a piece of property help you deal with anything? You're not making any sense cousin."

 

 


 

 

 

"I know I'm not," I told him. Realizing now that I couldn't take the easy way out, I knew that I would have to find the courage to explain. "Uncle Jesse doesn't expect either of us home until tommorrow, does he?"

 

 

"No, why?"

 

 

"I thought maybe we could go somewhere. I usually get a room afterwards, and...well tonight I could really use a shower. Never mind, I guess after what you saw you don't want to be alone with me," I told him, trying to hide the heartbreak I felt at his look of disgust.

 

 

"That's not it at all...sorry. I just, when I think about what he did to you...I want to hurt him, as badly as he hurt you. Are you sure though that a shower's all you need? Maybe you should see a doctor," he suggested kindly, his concern easy to hear.

 

 

"Oh, I thought.... It doesn't matter now what I thought. I don't need a doctor, but I do need a shower, I want to get his stench off. So what do ya say cuz? We can get a room for the night, maybe while I clean up," nearly choking on those words, knowing I'd never be clean again. "Um, maybe you could get us something to eat, after that we can talk. Or at least I can start to explain, okay?" I asked, not knowing which answer I was more afraid of hearing, yes or no.

 

 

"Okay, so which car do we take?"

 

 

Looking at each other, we reached the same conclusion, "The loaner."

 

 

 

"I'll drive," he said, grabbing the keys out of my hand and heading for the car. I thought about arguing with him, but decided against it. After the night I'd had, I probably shouldn't be driving anyway. After telling him the name of the motel I usually stayed in, I sat back and let him drive, trying to keep my mind a comfortable blank. Thirty minutes later, we were pulling into the parking lot of the small motel. "Why don't you wait here and I'll get the room? I'll be back in a minute with the key," I couldn't help the sigh of relief when he didn't argue with me. At least something was going right tonight. Five minutes later, I was back with the key. I tried not to think beyond the shower as I led the way to our room, but with him just a few steps behind me, it was nearly impossible. Opening the door, I headed straight for the shower, trusting him to know what to get for my meal.

 

 

Standing under the hot spray, I tried not to think about the club, and...what they'd done. *How do I live with this? Can't get clean, please God help me. I can't do this, I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry cousin, I don't think I can do this after all.* I stayed in the shower, scrubbing my skin until it was nearly raw and the water from the faucet was like ice. It didn't matter though, when I stepped out of the shower, I wasn't any cleaner than when I went in. Looking in the mirror, I wanted nothing more than to smash the face I saw staring back at me, wanted to end my miserable life. I couldn't though, even if I decided to end it, I wouldn't do that with my cousin in the next room, knowing he would be the one to find me. I knew that the guilt would destroy him, never mind that there was nothing for him to feel guilty about, he still would. I might have lowered myself to this point, but I wasn't so far gone that I was ready to take the man I loved with me. Looking at the bathroom door, I couldn't help wondering how I was going to tell him that, or if I'd live through the experience. Taking a deep breath, I slowly turned the handle and walked into the next room.

 

 

I wasn't surprised to see my cousin sitting on one of the beds, sorting out our sandwiches and waiting for me. Reaching down I grabbed one of the burgers and sat down on the other bed. For several minutes we ate in silence, the only noise, the rattle of the ice in our cokes and the rustle of paper wrappers. He finished first, but remained silent until I was done too. I slowly sipped the rest of my coke, knowing I would have to begin my story soon. Finally I could delay it no longer and I tossed my trash into the small can between the beds. Leaning back against the headboard, I looked down at my fingers, "I know you want answers cousin, but I don't know where to start."

 

 

"Well, Uncle Jesse would say the beginning's usually a good place. How long have you known you were gay?"

 

 

I had to smile at the way he asked. That's my cousin for you, straight to the point, as always. "I think I've known since I was a teenager, but I tried to deny it. Worked too, for a while anyway, last year it stopped working."

 

 

"Is that when you started going to that place?"

 

 

"No, I've only been going there for about four months. I couldn't keep pretending anymore because...I fell in love with somebody. Somebody I have no right to love, not like that anyway. Even when I realized what was happening, I still tried to fight it. After a few months though I knew it wasn't working and I couldn't go on like that for much longer. That was when I heard about these bars in Atlanta...."

 

 

"Wait a minute, I thought you said you've only been going to that place for a few months? Were you lying to me?"

 

 

"No I wasn't lying, those first bars weren't like the club you followed me to. They were just bars, well bars for men like me, but not like that club. The first few times I went to one, I was barely able to speak to anybody in the place. I'll tell ya, it made ordering a beer a real challenge," I smiled when he chuckled at that remark. "But even bars like that have back rooms, the difference is; in a regular bar the rooms are just for sex. They don't have any type of equipment other than a bed and lube, in fact they don't want people playing out scenarios there. You saw that club tonight, with all that happens there, they need a lot of security and that cost money. The bars I went to in the beginning didn't want to spend that kind of money or deal with the risk involved in a S&M club. I couldn't go to the bars every week like some of the men did, I was lucky to be able to sneak off every couple of weeks and maybe that's a good thing." I paused for a minute, and went to get a drink of water from the bathroom.

 

 

Inside the bathroom, I took the time to splash cold water on my face. Trying to regain the control I could feel slipping away with each word. Taking another long drink of water, I filled the small cup again and headed back to the other room.

 

 

"Sorry about that," I apologized as I sat back down on the bed. "Like I said, I couldn't go often, which was good cause it gave me a chance to ease into the lifestyle. After a couple of months I finally got up the nerve to go into one of the back rooms. Don't worry cousin, I won't go into details," I assured him when I saw the look on his face. "Everything was good for a while, I found this one bar I was comfortable in and I went there every couple of weeks. Sometimes I would just dance and drink beer, sometimes I'd go in one of the back rooms with somebody. Then six months ago something happened and I got slapped in the face with a truth I didn't want to face. I told you that I had fallen in love with the wrong person?"

 

 

"Yeah, did he find out how you feel? He didn't hurt you did he?" I couldn't help the warm glow I felt at his concern. Unfortunately, it disappeared quick enough when I thought about what I would have to tell him soon.

 

 

"No, he doesn't know yet. Please just let me finish before I lose my nerve." I asked him, practically begging. I knew if I didn't keep talking I'd never tell him the one thing I was most afraid to say.

 

 

" Well after I started experimenting, I convinced myself that I didn't really love the man I'd thought I did. I told myself that it was only because he was familiar to me, but now that I had an outlet for my needs I could quit playing it safe. That truth I said that slapped me in the face? It was six months ago that I realized I had only been fooling myself. I was sitting at the bar and this man started to come over, one of the regulars stopped him, told him not to bother. He told this guy that it was a waste of time cause he wasn't my type and then he described my type. That was when I realized he was right, I might've been experimenting but every man I was with looked like him. I had to face it, I was in love with the wrong person and that's when it all started to fall apart. I kept tying to move on, but nothing worked. If I tried to be with somebody who didn't look like him, I couldn't respond. But when I was with my type, I felt so guilty afterwards that I wanted to die. A little over four months ago, a man told me about the S&M club. He said that it might help me to go there, let me purge myself of the guilt. After he told me what it was, I didn't know if I could, but I kept thinking about it." I stopped talking at that point, knowing that before I could continue there was one thing my cousin had to be told.

 

"Cousin, there's more to my story, but before I go on there is something I have to tell you. Once I tell you this, I think you should take some time to think about what I've said. Then tommorrow or in a few days, whenever you're ready, I'll tell you the rest, if you still want to hear it. I told you that I fell in love with somebody I shouldn't have. I tried to fight it, I swear to you I did, but I couldn't deny the truth any longer. The person I fell in love with is...you," I finished in a soft voice. After several minutes of silence, I dared to look up, pleased to see he was still sitting on the other bed. At least he hadn't ran screaming from the room, maybe we could still be friends at least. "I know you're probably shocked and I know you don't feel the same way. I just hope you'll still want to be friends after all of this. Guess we should sleep, if we can," I said , when he didn't say anything. I didn't want to say it, but I owed him the chance to leave without any guilt. "Cousin? I won't blame you if you hate me and don't want me around you anymore. So if you need to leave before I get up, don't worry about it. Take the loaner to the cemetary, I'll find my own way there later to pick it up, okay?" I didn't wait for an answer, but only climbed under the covers and rolled onto my side. As I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, I couldn't help wondering what I would find when I woke up.

 


Chapter 3

 

 

By the time I recovered from the shock of my cousin's words, he had turned over and closed his eyes. I didn't really believe that he had fallen asleep that quickly, but I decided to let him alone until morning. Besides he was right, I could use the time to think. Laying on the motel bed, I knew there wouldn't be any sleep for me tonight. I kept hearing his voice as he told me his story, I hadn't missed the pain that had been there throughout his narration. That bothered me a lot too, if it hurt so much for him to tell me what he had tonight, how much worse would it be when he told me about that club. *Oh God! Is that what he wants from me? Does he want me to...hurt him like they did? Stop it, don't matter none anyway. I don't feel that way about him do I? And he'd never try to force me...would he? Don't be stupid, he may not be exactly the man you thought he was, but he'd never make you or anybody else do something they didn't want.* Turning onto my side, I lay there watching him sleep and wondering again how he could let those men treat him like that?

 

 

*This doesn't make any sense cousin, I kind of understand going to the regular bars. I just can't figure out why you started going to a place like that one I followed you to. I know you said it was supposed to purge you of your guilt, but there ain't no reason for guilt. Even if I don't feel the same way as you, it's not your fault that you have those feelings. Now how am I going to make you see that there ain't any reason for guilt? I know I can't just leave you here, that's for sure. But...how do I feel? I never really thought about it before this, or maybe I never let myself think about it?* I couldn't help thinking, not as I lay there remembering all the fun times we'd had together. How many times had I chosen to spend time with my cousin instead of a girl? *I sure never gave up a date just to spend time with Daisy or Uncle Jesse, but does that mean anything? * All night I spent remembering all the times we'd shared together, all the fun we'd had, and wondering if it meant anything. By dawn, I had finally come to a decision.

 

 


 

 

I woke up the next morning and slowly opened my eyes, afraid of what I would find, I turned over. It took everything I had to hold back the sob when I saw the empty bed next to me. Telling myself that maybe he was just in the bathroom, I carefully stood up and walked to the other room. Knocking on the door and receiving no answer, I quietly opened the door and peeked around it. Seeing the empty room on the other side of the door, I lost it! Stumbling back to the bed, I fell onto it. Curling into a ball, I began to shake with the realization that in one night I had lost not only the man I loved, but my whole family. No way could I stay at the farm after this. It would be too hard on both of us and maybe if I went away, he wouldn't tell Uncle Jesse or Daisy about me. I'd have to make up a story to explain why I was leaving, something that would allow me to keep my secret. Maybe I wouldn't have to lose them completely, only him...I didn't know how I would handle that, but I knew I'd have to. My heart nearly stopped when I felt the hand on my back....

 

 


 

 

I opened the door to the room, balancing the bag of food and two coffees, wondering if he would be awake yet. Quietly nudging the door shut, I sat the food and coffee on the dresser. Turning back to the beds, I was surprised to see my cousin lying on the bed and shaking like a leaf. Hurrying to his side, I placed a hand on his back. My heart nearly broke when he turned over and looked at me with fear-filled blue eyes. "What is it cousin? What's wrong?"

 

 

"Are you really here? I'm not imagining things?" He slowly reached a hand towards me as though he were afraid I would disappear if he dared to touch me.

 

 

Grabbing his hand, I gave a gentle squeeze, "I'm real cousin. Is that what's wrong? You thought I left?"

 

 

"Yeah...so where did ya go?" He asked in a voice so soft I could barely hear him.

 

 

 

"Thought we might want some breakfast," I told him, pointing at the bags sitting on the dresser.

 

 

"Oh, good idea cousin. Sorry about that."

 

 

"It's okay, I guess if it had been me I would've thought the same thing. I should've left a note, didn't mean to upset ya," I told him, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. Standing up I went to the dresser, taking the food from the bags I began to divide it between us. I glanced in the mirror and saw my cousin getting up and coming towards me. Pushing his food a little apart, I handed him the cup of hot coffee. We sat there eating our food in silence, it seemed like neither of us knew what to say this morning. Finally I realized that he was wrapped in the towel he'd worn the night before. "You're clothes, um, are you gonna be able to..."

 

 

"Not the jeans or boxers, they're ruined," he answered, interrupting me. "If you could go out to the car, I've got a bag in the trunk, it has a change of clothes."

 

 

"You always bring extra clothes with you?"

 

 

"Have to, I never know for sure what's going to happen and, well I can't very well take them home to Daisy when they look like that." He nodded toward the pile of clothes in the trash can.

 

 

Funny I hadn't even noticed him throwing them away, but then I did have other things on my mind. Standing up, I walked outside and opened the trunk of the loaner. Grabbing the small bag from inside, I returned to the room and handed it to him. Taking the bag, he went into the bathroom, coming back out a couple of minutes later dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. "So now what?"

 

 

"Guess that depends on you cousin, do you want me to leave?"

 

 

"Leave? Of course I don't want you to leave, why would I? You thought I'd expect you to leave because of this? I..." I stopped speaking then, couldn't think of what to say next.

 

 

 

"What else could I think? I mean after what you saw and what I told you, why would you still want me around? If you don't want me to leave, then what did you mean?"

 

 

"I didn't mean for you to leave, that's for sure. I, well there's still more for you to tell me, I was wondering if you were going to tell me the rest of it now?"

 

 

 


 

 

 

Looking at him, I couldn't believe that he didn't want me to leave. Of course like he said there's more to tell. I had to wonder if he would be changing his mind by the time I finished my story. "I don't think we better get started on that right now. Uncle Jesse'll be expecting us and there's chores to be done. Maybe after we get our chores done we can go somewhere. I promise I'll tell you the rest cousin, I just want to make sure we've got time and privacy when I do."

 

 

"You're probably right. Well guess we better get going then," he suggested, grabbing the car keys and my bag. While he went to the car, I walked to the office and checked us out. We drove back to the cemetary in silence. When we got there, he climbed into the General and we headed for home, planning to return the loaner after chores. As soon as we pulled into the yard, I saw Daisy hanging clothes on the line and Uncle Jesse working on the old tractor. Climbing out of the loaner, I gave Daisy and Uncle Jesse a quick wave before heading inside. As I opened the back door, I heard Uncle Jesse call my cousin over. I wondered as I went on in, if I should go ahead and pack myself a bag, or would he keep my secret from our uncle?

 


 

 

Jogging over to where Uncle Jesse stood, I knew by the look on his face he was expecting answers. Answers I knew I couldn't give him right now. "Uncle Jesse, I know you want to know what I found out, but please don't ask me right now."

 

 

"Is it that bad?"

 

 

"It's not good, but I haven't gotten the whole story yet. Besides it's not my secret to tell, we're planning to go somewhere private after chores, so we can talk. Maybe after that I can convince him to tell you and Daisy what's been going on with him." I offered, hoping he wouldn't press the issue and knowing my cousin would never tell them everything. Not that I blamed him, I wished I didn't know, and had a feeling it wouldn't be the first time I wished for that.

 

 

"Alright, just answer me a couple of questions and I'll give you time. Is he doing anything illegal? And, is he in any danger?"

 

 

"No Uncle Jesse, it's nothing like that," I told him, not sure I was being completely honest, but knowing I couldn't answer any other way.

 

 

"Then I'll trust you to help him, for now. Just remember if it's more than you can handle, I'm here whenever you need me. Now, all I need from you boys today is the barn roof patched and then y'all can take off and do what you need to."

 

 

"Thanks Uncle Jesse, guess I better go get him or he'll hide out all day." Walking into the house, I headed to the room I shared with my cousin. Opening the door, I was surprised to find him standing next to his bed, his bag open and quickly filling with clothes. "Going somewhere?"

 

 

"I don't know, do I still have a home?"

 

 

"What are ya talking about?" I asked him, confused by the anger I heard in his voice.

 

 

"Didn't you tell Uncle Jesse what you found out?"

 

 

"No, of course not. What do you take me for? I won't lie, he asked, but I told him it ain't my secret to tell. I also told him we still got some talking to do, which he's fine with. He was just worried about you cousin, we all were, are."

 

 

"I'm sorry, I should've known better."

 

 

"You're forgiven. Now, Uncle Jesse says he wants us to patch the barn roof and then we can have the rest of the day to ourselves. I figure we ought to be done in a couple of hours, then we'll take the loaner back and go up to still site number four."

 

 

"Sounds good to me, let's do it."

 

 

Two hours later, we were putting the tools away and getting ready to go into town. It wasn't long after that we were once again in the General and pulling up to the old still site. Pulling ourselves out of the car, I nervously leaned against the side of the car, while he sat on the steps of the cabin. We stayed like that for twenty minutes, neither of us knowing where to start. Finally I couldn't take the silence any more, "You said that somebody told you that places like that were a way to purge you of guilt. Guilt over your feelings for me?"

 


 

 

"Right to the point. Yeah, and guilt over being gay, for not being normal. It's hard to explain, I didn't start going there planning to end up like I did last night. I told ya how nervous I was the first few times I went to a regular gay bar, this was even worse. I still ain't figured out how I managed to even get around in there without running people over, cause I sure wasn't gonna look away from the floor. I guess if I had kept looking at the floor I wouldn't have ended up where I was last night, but I looked up. I made it to the bar and ordered a beer, but I still hadn't looked up, then he sat down beside me. I don't know his name, it's not really the kind of place where you exchange names."

 

 

"I guess it wouldn't be."

 

 

"Well I took one look in his eyes and it was like he could see into my soul. He told me he could help me, said if I wanted help to follow him. I don't really know why, but I did, right into one of the back rooms. As soon as we were inside the room, he ordered me to strip. I didn't move at first, so he stepped forward and pulled my shirt open for me. He told me that he was a dom, said he could teach me the joy of letting someone else take control. That if I let him, he would show me how I could find my true self and fight my fears by giving him control. I ain't real sure why I believed him, but I did and he taught me."

 

 

"Taught you what? How to be a whore?"

 

 

I couldn't help flinching from his words, but I understood them too. "I suppose there's some truth in that, but it's more about...atoning."

 

 

"Atoning?"

 

 

I could tell he was confused, I only hoped I could help him to understand. "For being gay, for loving the wrong person...."

 

 

"You're telling me that you let men hurt you, use you to make up for loving me?"

 

 

Stalking over to me, and grabbing my shirt he shook me as hard as he could.

 

 

"How dare you? How could you ever think that I would want to see you hurt for loving me? Damn you, ya had no right to do that to yourself cousin, not because of..." He trailed off, slamming his fist into my jaw before running into the woods. I could hear him as he retched, I hated that I had upset him so much that it had made him sick. I wasn't surprised though, what other reaction could I have expected?

 

 

When he returned, he went directly to the trunk of the General and grabbed a jug of water. Rinsing his mouth, he replaced the jug and shut the trunk. He stood there, staring at me for several minutes. Walking slowly to where I still sat on the ground, he reached out a hand and pulled me to my feet. Expecting him to let go as soon as I was on my feet, I was shocked when he continued pulling me forward. The feel of his lips on mine was so unexpected that it took several minutes for me to react. I had just barely begun to return the kiss, when he pulled away and ran to the General. Jumping into the window, "Don't leave please, I just need a little time." Sliding into the car, he turned the key and drove away, I stood there watching him go, wondering when or if he'd be back.

 

 


Chapter 4

 

 

I stood there, shocked by my cousin's actions, as I watched the General disappear from sight. Lightly running my fingers over my lips, I could still feel the pressure of his kiss. *He kissed me! Why? Does it mean he feels the same way I do? No, if he felt what I do he wouldn't have left like that. I don't understand this, why cousin?* The cry of a nearby crow startled me from my thoughts. Becoming aware of my surroundings, I was surprised to find that I was sitting on the porch steps again. I knew I should get up and do something, but I couldn't seem to find the energy to move. My cousin's actions kept replaying in my mind, it was all I could think of as I tried to figure out why he'd kissed me and what it meant.

 

 


 

 

 

Racing away from the cabin I felt like a criminal fleeing the scene of the crime. Looking into the mirror, I could see my cousin standing there, a look of shock on his face and I really felt like a criminal. *How could I do that? Why had I done that? What kind of man am I?* I drove around the county for several hours, thoughts of my cousin and the kiss were the only things on my mind. I couldn't believe I had reacted like that, hitting him I understood. I knew exactly why I had done that, but the kiss? I didn't even know I was going to do it until I was pulling him to his feet. Before I realized it, I was pulling him forward and was pressing my lips to his. I had never kissed a man before, had never even considered kissing a man and I couldn't believe how wonderful it felt. It had felt so...right to be kissing him, until he began to return the kiss. When I felt him leaning forward, returning the light pressure, I panicked and I ran. Just like those men in the club, no! The thought slammed into me with the force of a bullet, I had treated him the same way they did. I hit him, I took what I wanted and then I left him standing there to pick up the pieces. Coming down hard on the brakes, I brought the General to a screeching halt and climbed out. Stumbling to the side of the road, I fell to my knees and began to get sick, again.

 

 

 

I don't know how long I sat there, the sound of a vehicle pulling in behind the General brought me out of my daze. Turning around, I saw Cooter's tow-truck, my friend had gotten out of the cab and was headed towards me.

 

 

"Hey buddyro, you okay?"

 

 

"Yeah Cooter, something I ate I guess," I told him, standing up and meeting him half-way.

 

 

"You sure you're okay? You don't look so hot, maybe I should give ya a ride home," he offered.

 

 

I wanted to tell him what was really wrong, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't betray my cousin like that, no matter how much I might need to talk to somebody about what I'd found out. There was only one person I could talk to, and it wasn't Cooter. "Nah, I'll be fine Cooter, just need a few minutes that's all."

 

 

"Alright, but if yo..." he broke off as his cb crackled to life.

 

 

"Breaker 19, this is Enos Strait calling Cooter Davenport, ya got your ears on buddy?"

 

 

"You got Cooter here Enos, what's up buddyro?"

 

 

"Cooter, Mr. Willis broke down out here on hwy. 7 near the Pineridge turn-off and needs a tow."

 

 

"Sure thing buddy, I'll be there in two shakes of a lamb's tail," Cooter answered, before turning back to me. "You sure you're alright?"

 

 

"Yeah, feeling better already. You better go take care of Mr. Willis though, ya know the longer ya take the crankier he'll be."

 

 

After Cooter pulled away, I couldn't help laughing at the thought of Enos having good timing for once. Too bad my cousin wasn't here, he would really get a kick out of it. Sobering instantly at that thought, I climbed back into the General and headed back to still site four.

 

 

When I arrived at the cabin, he was still outside, though now he was sitting on the steps. At least he didn't look like he was in shock anymore, but he still looked lost. I wanted to kick myself for putting that look on his face. Damn it, how can he say he loves me, when I treat him like that? Pulling myself out of the car, I took a deep breath and walked to him.

 

 

"I'm sorry cousin, I had no right to do that."

 

 

"Hit me or kiss me?" he asked, looking up at me, his blue eyes filled with confusion.

 

 

"Both, when I realized that you were letting those men hurt you because of me, I saw red..."

 

 

"It's okay, you had every right to be mad. I'm sorry that I upset you to the point of making you sick."

 

 

"Maybe I had a right to be mad, but I didn't have any right to hit you. Especially after what you went through last night," I told him, ashamed of the way I'd acted.

 

 

Looking up at me, he quickly looked away, but not before I saw the shame in his eyes. "I...why did you kiss me?"

 

 

It was my turn to look away, how was I going to explain something I didn't understand myself? "The truth is, I didn't know I was going to kiss you until I was pulling you forward. I'm sorry I ran off like I did. I'm worse than those men at the club, at least they're honest about who they are. I say I want to help you and then I treat you just like they did, I can't tell you how sorry I am cousin."

 


 

 

 

I couldn't believe he was comparing himself to them, and thinking he was worse. "Don't you ever say that again! You are nothing like those men, you could never hurt me or anybody, not like that. How could you think that what you did compared to what they did?"

 

 

"How could I not? I hit you, I took what I wanted and then I left you to pick up the pieces, isn't that what they did?" The shame and self-hatred I heard in his voice broke my heart.

 

 

For several minutes I sat there in silence, I had no idea what to say. How could I make him see the difference? Then it hit me, "When you hit me, did it turn you on?"

 

 

"No!" He yelled in shocked denial.

 

 

"After you kissed me, why did you leave?"

 

 

"Because...I panicked when you started kissing me back. It was like I hadn't realized what I was doing until that moment, and then I didn't know what to do. So I ran, afraid of what would happen if I stayed," he finished quietly as realization sank in. "Why are you asking me questions like that anyway?"

 

 

"You know why," I told him, wanting him to put it together for himself.

 

 

"They were turned on by hitting you, by hurting you weren't they?"

 

 

"Yeah, they were and before you get mad at them again, you might want to remember that I asked them to hurt me. Well except for what happened last night, I didn't...that one man wasn't supposed to be there."

 

 

"I still took what I wanted and left you to deal with it," he insisted, refusing to let go of the guilt.

 

 

"No you didn't, not the way they did. You acted on impulse, and it scared you, that's the only reason you ran. For that matter, except for that man last night they never took anything I wasn't willing to give. You didn't do anything I didn't want either cousin, my kissing you back should've told ya that." I couldn't help smiling when he chuckled lightly. The grin slid from my face, when his laugh turned into a choked off sob. "What is it cousin?" I asked, stepping over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder.

 

 

 

"I see your point about the kiss, but I don't understand the rest of it. I know you said that it was to atone for your guilt, but why did you think you needed to atone?"

 

 

"I don't want to make you mad, but it was mostly my feelings for you that caused the guilt. I didn't like knowing I'm gay, I know there's a lot of folks that think it's a sin and wouldn't take too kindly to it. I hated the idea that people I care about, people I love might turn on me because of it. You know it's kind of funny, before I finally accepted that I'm one of them I thought it was a sin too. People always talk about it like it's a choice, but it ain't. I can't imagine anybody choosing to be like this, choosing to live a life ya have to hide. All them good folks that think it's a sin and a choice, would know how wrong they are if they'd just stop and think. Nobody in their right mind would choose to be gay, to chance losing everything when living a normal life would avoid all that. I sure didn't feel like I could tell anybody I was gay, not even my family, and I felt kind of guilty about it. But it was realizing that I really was in love with you that drove me to that club. Maybe we could go inside cousin, this is gonna take a while," I suggested, leading the way inside at his nod of agreement.

 

 

 

"Can I ask you something before you tell me anything else?" He asked.

 

 

"Sure, ask me anything, I'll answer if I can."

 

 

"Those men last night, I heard that woman say they'd be banned from the club. Is that all that happens to them? It don't seem right that they're going to get away with what they did to you."

 

 

"They won't, I'm gonna tell ya something cousin that you can't never tell anybody." I gave him a serious look, not saying anything else until I was sure he understood that I meant what I said. "Those men, well at least the one who asked me into the room and the one who...raped me; will be dead within a week."

 

 

"What?" He sputtered out, choking on the drink of water he'd just begun to swallow. I wasn't sure which had shocked him more, my words or the calm matter-of-fact way I said them.

 

 

"They can't be arrested, that club and the ones like it, ain't exactly legal. The cops turn a blind eye to them, and it cost Madame Rochelle and the other club owners plenty to get them to. Something like this though, there's no way they could ignore it, so the club owners handle it themselves. Madame Rochelle will have let them go last night, but not before she knew their names and addresses. Sometime within the next week, those two at least and maybe all four will die in terrible accidents. I know it ain't right for her to take the law into her own hands like that, but if she didn't, they'd get away with what they did. Worse than that, they'd do it again and the next guy might not be so lucky."

 

 

"Lucky! You call being raped lucky?" The outraged anger in his voice plain to hear, he jumped up from the table and stalked to the door. For a minute, I was afraid he would leave again, but then he turned around and sat back down, waiting for me to go on.

 

 

"Yeah I do. Don't get me wrong, I hated every second of it, but if security hadn't been called...I would've been raped three more times. So yeah, I was lucky. Lucky that only one of them got to...lucky that he chose to attack me in the club instead of outside. Lucky I didn't end up like some of the other men he's been rumored to have gone after. Lucky that you were there to call security."

 

 

"I didn't call security, the man who let me into that room did. What other men? What are you talking about?"

 

 

"Atlanta might be a big city, but the gay community ain't all that big and there's rumors. Nobody could prove anything, but I'd heard rumors that he'd gone after a few men outside the clubs, or in some of the seedier clubs. Men who turned up days later, after they'd been raped and tortured. Most of them were dead when they were found, the couple who weren't, died on the way to the hospital. That's why I can live with what Madame Rochelle will do to them, cause I know it's what they deserve and it's what the law will never do. After all, who cares if a few faggots end up dead, if they'd just be like normal men it'd never happen." I knew I sounded bitter, but I'd known one of the men who he'd been rumored to have killed.

 

 

"How do...? You said you didn't know his name, it's not the kind of place where names are exchanged, so how do you know it's him they were talking about?"

 

 

"The Mobster. That's what he's called, not cause he is, but cause he acts like one. If you hang out in the clubs, especially the S&M ones, you'll be given a nickname. Got to have some way to let people know who you're talking about, or who you're looking for. I know I sound bitter cousin, but see...I knew one of the men he killed. We were friends, one of the few in the clubs I could honestly say that about. Not everybody knew how I felt about The Mobster, but most of the people who worked in the club did. That's probably how come the guy knew to call security. If he worked there, then he knew there was no way I'd be in a room with that man, at least not willingly."

 

 

"I'm glad he did, I wish I'd realized it myself, maybe I could've saved you from that. I'm sorry cousin, if I wasn't so blind..."

 

 

"Stop it right now, this ain't your fault. That man who let you in the observation room, he told you about the scenarios, right? I know he did, that's how it works when somebody is new and curious. So how were you supposed to know that what you were seeing wasn't part of the scene we were playing out?" I hated to see him being so hard on himself, blaming himself for something that wasn't his fault. Maybe it was time for a little mood change, "Hey, bet ya can't guess what my nickname is?"

 

 

"Huh? I..." I could see the wheels turning in his mind, as he tried to figure out what I was doing. When a small smile crossed his face, I knew he'd realized what I was up to. I watched him thinking it over, the tip of his tongue pushed between his lips as he considered possibilities and discarded them. I was so busy watching him that I jumped a foot when he finally spoke. "Sorry cousin, I ain't got any idea."

 

 

"Huh?" it was my turn to be confused, then I remembered what I'd asked him. "Oh right, my nickname, it's farmboy."

 

 

"I should've been able to figure that out," he smiled, embarassed that he hadn't thought of it.

 

 

 

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but we probably should. I need to know, when you kissed me, why did it scare you bad enough to run?" I asked him, after sitting in silence for several minutes.

 

 

 

"I'm not sure if I can explain it. Like I said I didn't really know I was kissing you, until you started kissing me back. I guess it scared me, reminded me of what I was thinking last night."

 

 

"What were you thinking last night?" I asked him when he didn't continue.

 

 

"I was wondering if...you said you love me. Does that mean you want me to hurt you, like those men? I never really thought about it before, but when I kissed you.... I ain't never felt anything so right in my life, none of the girls I kissed ever made me feel like that with just a kiss. But cousin, I can't do what those men did, I can't hurt you or treat you like a piece of property...like a whore."

 

 

"I know you couldn't and I don't want you to, but I ain't sure I can be with you either anymore. I love you, I didn't lie about that, but.... Damn, this is hard to explain, when I first started going to that club it was only the guilt that drove me. The thing is, after a while it became a force of it's own, something that I couldn't control anymore. I don't think I can; I tried a few times in the last couple of months to be with men in a well, a normal way, and I couldn't. I couldn't respond to them, no matter how much I wanted to. It's like my mind has gotten sex and pain so tied up together that it can't seperate them. Even after what happened last night, I still need to go back. I know you don't understand, hell I don't understand. Every time I go there, every time I let a man hurt me and use me, I hate myself for letting it happen, for responding to it. But I can't stop, it's like an addiction, I go to the club and I go into the rooms with different men. When I leave, I hate myself and I swear I'll never go back, but then after a couple of weeks the guilt and the need become too much and I go back. I should just leave Hazzard, go somewhere that I can never hurt any of y'all, especially you," I told him, looking at the table and trying to hide the tears.

 

 

"The only way you can hurt me, is if you leave without giving us a chance to find out if there is an us."

 

 

"Don't you get it? I love you too much to drag you down, I won't let you get involved in what I've become. I need the pain and the humiliation, like a drug and I won't let my addiction destroy you!" I pushed myself away from the table and ran outside, not surprised when he followed me.

 


 

 

 

Stubborn fool! When he ran out the door, I was right behind him. There was no way I was going to let him take off. I might not have ever thought about it before, but I knew in that instant that I loved him. Not just as a cousin, but the way you love somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with. Now if I could just make him see that the chance for a life with each other was worth fighting for.

 

 

Coming up behind him, I grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. Pulling him closer, I pressed my lips against his, running my tongue across his lips, demanding entrance. The moment he began to part his lips, I pressed forward, dipping inside his mouth for my first taste of him. I don't know how long we kissed, but we didn't stop until the need for air forced us to. "I love you and I'm not going to let you go that easy. You said you love me, then prove it. Stay here with me, with your family, let me help you, let me love you, please." I begged him with everything I had, I didn't hold anything back, letting the love I felt be heard loud and clear.

 

 

 

"It ain't that easy cousin. I know you say you love me, and I know you believe it, but what if...? What if that kiss was just from the heat of the moment? What if tommorrow you realize that the love you feel is just as a cousin and nothing more?"

 

 

I hated to hear the fear in his voice, but I couldn't really blame him. Shoot I guess if I was in his shoes, and with my reputation, I'd have a hard time believing me too. The problem was I knew that I meant it, knew it deep down in my soul, but how could I convince him? "Cousin, I know I've never kissed a man before, never even thought about it. But I've kissed plenty of girls and I've been in love, believe me I know the difference between love and lust. When I kissed you, it was like I'd found a piece of myself I didn't even know was missing, until that moment. I know you're worried about me getting hurt, and you're scared of getting hurt yourself, but I promise ya cousin you ain't got anything to worry about. Don't look at me like that, I know you would never willingly hurt me and I could never hurt you, especially now, so...."

 

 

"Oh God! Cousin don't do this to me please, I want so much to be with you but; what if I'm not strong enough to fight my needs? After everything that's happened, I don't know if I can love you the way you deserve to be loved. Don't you see? Just because I wouldn't hurt you on purpose doesn't mean I couldn't hurt you and I can't take that risk."

 

 

Grabbing his arm before he could step away from me, I forced him to the steps of the cabin and pushed him down. Kneeling in front of him, I reached out and tenderly ran my fingers down his cheek, "Please, don't throw this away. If you aren't strong enough to fight your needs, then I'll give you some of my strength, however much you need. You're not thinking cousin, if you give us a chance, you won't be fighting the battle alone. I'll be right there by your side, and together there's nothing the Duke boys can't do."

 

 

"You don't know what you're asking cousin. Like you said you've never even kissed a man before, and I don't know if I'm the one who should show you what it's like. Hell I don't even know if I remember what it's like to just be with somebody without all of the pain."

 

 

"You're the only one who can show me cousin, I can't imagine being with any other man. I've never felt like this for anybody else before and never a man. Please...Luke...teach me... and maybe I can help you to remember what love is supposed to be like." I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks, but I didn't care. In that moment the only thing that mattered was convincing my cousin to give our love a chance.


 

 

I couldn't believe that he would want me, after all I'd done, after what he'd seen. But I couldn't deny the love I heard in his voice, reaching out I brushed the tears from his cheeks. "I love you Bo, if you really want to be with me, to try...I never could deny you anything...." Suddenly I felt myself being pulled to my feet and wrapped in his strong embrace as he let loose with a rebel yell. When he finally stopped spinning us around, I drew back, "It won't be easy cousin," I reminded him. "We also have to figure out what we're gonna tell Uncle Jesse and Daisy, if we tell them anything."

 

 

"I hadn't thought of that," he said, pulling his top lip down with his teeth as he thought about it. "Luke? Uncle Jesse knows I followed you last night, he's given me some time, but he's gonna want answers. Guess we got some things to figure out, huh?"

 

 

"Don't worry Bo, like you said, there ain't nothing we can't handle when we're together. We'll figure it out," I assured him. Taking his hand in mine, I led him back inside, hoping that his faith in us would be proven true.

 

 


Chapter 5

 

 

Several hours later we headed home. After Bo had come back to the cabin, we had a long talk about where we would go from here. It was ironic really, I had been in the Marines, had been to war and yet I was the one who was afraid. As my cousin drove us home, it gave me plenty of time to think about what was scaring me. By the time we reached the farm, I was sure I'd figured out that I was most afraid that Bo would give up on me. I wasn't really afraid that he didn't mean it when he said he loved me. I know Bo better than anybody and though I'd seen him in love, I'd never seen that look in his eyes before. I couldn't help the warmth that spread through me, knowing that it was me Bo was looking at with a love more intense than anything I've ever seen.

 

 

When Bo parked the General next to the house, I saw Uncle Jesse at the picnic table, snapping grean beans, and the warm feeling fled. Taking a deep breath, I swallowed hard and climbed out of the car, stealing myself to face my uncle. I sure hoped Bo was right when he said that Uncle Jesse would understand, not that I planned to tell him everything. Walking over to the picnic table and sitting down, I looked up from the ground when Bo sat beside me, his smile giving me the courage I needed.

 

 

"Uncle Jesse, guess we need to talk, or at least I need to tell you what's been going on with me. I suppose the first thing I should tell ya is, I ain't been doing anything illegal." I told him, ignoring the fact that the club I'd gone to was considered to be an illegal club. "Uncle Jesse I figured out something about a year ago, I'd suspected it for a while but...."

 

 

"Luke, whatever it is you can tell me, ya ain't got to be scared boy," Uncle Jesse assured me, giving my hand a squeeze.

 

 

"Well, the thing is...Uncle Jesse I'm gay," there I'd said it, now all I could do was wait for his reaction.

 

 

"That's why you've been sneaking off?"

 

 

"Yeah, been going to Atlanta. There's bars there, for men like me," I replied.

 

 

"Why didn't ya tell us?"

 

 

I couldn't believe how calmly he was taking this. I just told my uncle that I'm gay and he sits here asking questions, as calm as if I'd just told him I liked peach pie over apple. "I was afraid y'all would hate me if you knew," I finally admitted.

 

 

"HATE YOU?" He yelled the question, guess I should've known he wouldn't like that. "Lukas K. Duke, how could you think that any of us would hate you for being gay? We're your family boy, I thought you knew what that meant." The hurt in his voice was so clear, I couldn't help wishing he'd go back to yelling.

 

 

"I'm sorry Uncle Jesse, I should've known that you wouldn't hate me. It's just that, well there's so many people that think it's a sin. Like I told Bo, before I realized that I'm one of them, I thought the same thing. It wasn't until I accepted that I'm gay that I understood it's not something you choose. I know now that this is just the way I am, the way God made me, but I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it. I never meant to hurt or worry any of you, can ya ever forgive me?"

 

 

"Forgive ya? Of course I forgive ya Luke. I know ya never meant to hurt us, and I sure don't blame ya for being the way God made ya. Now is there anything else you need to tell me?"

 

 

I hated lying to him and I knew that Bo didn't agree with me, but he was going along with my decision to keep our feelings a secret for now. I wasn't sure how Uncle Jesse would take the idea of his two nephews together, and besides we weren't even sure yet if there was an us. "No Uncle Jesse, that's all there is," I told him, before standing up and heading out to the barn for evening chores.

 

 

 

 

 

After Luke went to the barn, I got up to follow him, stopping when Uncle Jesse called my name. "Yes sir?"

 

 

"I know Luke didn't tell me everything and I'm not going to ask you what he's holding back. I would never ask you to betray his trust like that, I just need to know one thing. Is there anything else I need to worry about?"

 

 

I let go the breath I hadn't even known I was holding, I thanked God that Uncle Jesse didn't expect me to tell him the rest of Luke's secret. I couldn't help being relieved that he'd asked a question I could answer honestly, "No sir, there's nothing you need to worry about."

 

 

"Alright, you better go help Luke with the chores."

 

 

Giving a short nod, I jogged off to the barn to help Luke. Coming inside the barn I saw Luke sitting on a bale of hay, staring off into space. "Luke? You okay?"

 

 

"Huh? Hey Bo, yeah I'm fine. Did Uncle Jesse ask you anything?"

 

 

"Just if there was anything else for him to worry about. I wish we could tell him...never mind, forget I said anything."

 

 

"I'm sorry Bo, I know it's hard for you to hide stuff from Uncle Jesse, especially something this important. But we talked about this cousin, it's not gonna be easy to get past my problems. At least if nobody else knows about our feelings and it doesn't work out we're the only ones affected by it."

 

 

I knew that what he said made sense, but that didn't mean I had to like it. "I know Luke and I ain't arguing with ya, I'll just be glad when we can tell them about us. Well come on, we got chores to do," I said, trying to act normal.

 

 

 

 

 

Three weeks later and I was starting to feel the urge to return to Atlanta. I just didn't know how I was going to explain it to Bo, heck I didn't know how to explain it to me. Things between us had been going really well, not that we'd done anything beyond kissing and cuddling, but it was a start. I woke up every morning with my arms wrapped around the man I loved and thanking God for letting my dreams come true. Even after three weeks, I still kept expecting to wake up and discover it really was just a dream. I hadn't figured out yet how he could love me, especially after what he'd seen. His love was the only thing that kept me from running to Atlanta, back to the club. *Lord this doesn't make any sense. What's wrong with me? I have everything I've ever dreamed of and I still feel the need to go back to that...sickness. Dear God give me strength, please help me to resist the temptation, don't let me hurt Bo like that. You know it would tear him up if I went back, if I let those men, but I'm not sure I can fight it. Help me please,* Luke prayed, jumping in surprise when Bo walked into their bedroom.

 

 

"Hey there you are. You trying to get out of helping me replace the General's brakes?"

 

 

"Nah, just wanted to grab a bandana that's all," I explained, picking up a bandana from the dresser. "Well what are ya waiting for?" I asked when he just stood there looking at me, not saying a word.

 

 

"The truth," Bo answered simply, folding his arms across his chest and leaning casually against the wall.

 

 

"What are ya talking about Bo?"

 

 

"I'm talking about the last three nights, you waking up from nightmares. I've heard you talking in your sleep, you're dreaming about what happened at the club aren't you?"

 

 

I looked away from him, dreading what was coming, knowing that I couldn't lie to him.

 

 

"Luke?"

 

 

"Sort of," I told him, delaying the inevitable for as long as possible.

 

 

"Sort of? What do you mean?"

 

 

"In my dreams, it's not me that's in the club...it's you."

 

 

"Me?" He squeeked out, clearly not expecting that. "Why would you be dreaming about me being in that.... Luke, am I being hurt or am I hurting somebody?"

 

 

I looked up at that, surprised to find him standing next to me, one arm on top of the dresser. I must've really been out of it, if I didn't even notice him moving towards me. "You were being hurt and I was in the observation room watching. Somehow when you look up, you're able to see me and you...Bo you look at me with so much hatred in your eyes. That's when I finally see the face of the man who's hurting you, it's me Bo...."

 

 

"Luke you know that ain't gonna happen, don't you?"

 

 

"Doesn't stop me from feeling like I've dragged you into a world where you're gonna get hurt. Doesn't change the fact that if I'd just left Hazzard as soon as I realized how I felt about you, then you wouldn't be getting dirtied by me."

 

 

"What the...? Luke Duke being with you is not getting me dirty!" Bo snapped, fighting to keep his voice down so that Uncle Jesse wouldn't hear.

 

 

"I'm sorry Bo, I didn't mean to upset you, but I can't help how I feel."

 

 

"So now what, you just gonna give up on us already? Gonna walk out that door and leave me behind?" He asked me, unshed tears shimmering in his eyes.

 

 

"I'm not giving up on us Bo and I ain't gonna walk away from you, not unless you want me to. This is why I didn't want you to know about the dreams, I knew you'd get upset," I told him. Reaching out to caress his cheek, I leaned in for a gentle kiss, "Could we not talk about this right now darlin?"

 

 

"I guess it can wait, we do have a brake job to take care of, but Luke, we will talk about this."

 

 

*Damn, I was hoping to distract him. Should've known better.* Now that I knew he wanted to talk more about this later, I was inclined to make this the slowest brake job in history. Of course it didn't work, and two hours later we were on our way up to still site four to talk in private.

 

 

 

 

The drive up to the old cabin had never been so quiet. Luke and me didn't always say a lot, but we could usually find something to say. Finally I saw the hidden turnoff that would take us to the old still site and to what had become our special place. A few minutes later, I brought the General to a stop in front of the cabin, climbing out I was only mildly surprised when Luke didn't follow me. "You gonna sit there all day or are we gonna talk?" I asked him, leaning down next to the window and looking across at him. I stood up, smiling in satisfaction when he began to climb out of the other window, he wasn't happy about it, but at least he was out of the car now.

 

 

 

I walked into the cabin and sat down at the small table, waiting for Luke to come inside. Five minutes later he stepped inside the cabin, but instead of sitting at the table, he stayed by the door. *Gonna be like that is it? Fine Luke, but if you think I'm gonna let you run, you are in for a surprise cousin.* "Luke why don't you sit down over here with me?"

 

 

"I'd rather stand if it's all the same to you Bo?" He answered, his stiff posture telling me just how much he didn't want to be here.

 

 

"Luke I don't understand why you said what you did earlier. Why do you feel like you're making me dirty by loving me?"

 

 

"Are you serious Bo? How can you not understand? You of all people should know exactly why I said that."

 

 

"Well I don't, so why don't you spell it out for me?" I asked him, hoping I could make him open up before he did something we'd both regret.

 

 

"You saw the kind of man I've become, you know what I let those men do to me. Hell I asked them to hurt me Bo, to use me like...like some piece of meat. I might not have asked for that man to rape me, but I might as well have. If I hadn't gone into that club, hadn't put myself in that place he wouldn't have had the chance to d..."

 

 

"Now you hold it right there Luke! You said yourself that man had grabbed men from other bars, and outside of them too. Seems to me that even if you'd only gone to the regular gay bars or none at all he still might have raped you. Don't you dare stand there and try to tell me that it was your fault. I was there Luke, you might have gone into that room willingly, but you didn't ask to be raped. You still don't believe me, do you? Okay what if it had happened to me, would you say it was my fault? It could've you know, I mean I followed you there, suppose some guy had decided that he liked my looks and didn't care what I wanted? Would it be my fault?"

 

 

"Of course not Bo, but that's different."

 

 

"How is it different? Because I've never been with a man before? Or is it because I didn't fall in love with my cousin? But I did fall in love with my cousin, didn't I? According to you that means I deserve to be punished!" By the time I'd finished, I was yelling and glad we'd decided to come up here where we could be alone.

 

 

"Don't say that! You don't deserve to be punished, there is nothing you could ever do to deserve that," Luke protested.

 

 

"Luke, if I don't deserve punishment for loving you, then why do you think it's wrong for you to love me?"

 

 

"I can't explain it Bo, I just know that I need it. I need to be hurt, it's like a drug, I told you that before and I don't know how much longer I can fight it." Luke told me, sliding down the wall and burying his face in his hands as he finally broke down.

 

 

My heart was breaking at the sight of my strong cousin, sitting on the floor of the old cabin with tears streaming down his face. Pushing away from the table, I walked over to him, sitting down beside him, I gently pulled him into my arms. "Shh, it's okay Luke. It's gonna be okay, we'll get you through this together. It may take some time, but even if it takes the rest of my life, I'm going to prove to you that you deserve to be loved. That you should be loved and cherished, not hurt, never hurt," I whispered, turning his face upward, I gently brushed his lips with mine.

 

 

Pouring every ounce of love I felt into the deepening kiss, I could feel Luke trembling in my arms. Suddenly he shoved me away and jumped to his feet. For several seconds I sat there too stunned to move. The sound of the General's engine roaring to life brought me out of my daze and I ran outside, "Luke!" He looked at me with so much pain that it took my breath away, neither of us moved and then he reached forward. I ran forward, planning to jump in the window before he could leave. As I was about to make my move, I stopped cold, realizing that the car was no longer running. By the time he'd pulled himself from the car, I was by his side. "Luke, come back inside, please. I promise I won't do anything you're not ready for," I spoke quietly, the way you would to a horse that's been spooked.

 

 

Leaning against me, he spoke so quietly I barely heard him, "You didn't do anything wrong Bo."

 

 

 

"Then why did you shove me away and take off like the devil himself was chasing ya?"

 

 

"I...want to love you Bo, God knows I do, but I don't deserve someone like you. Nothing you say can change the fact that I ain't normal, and if you stay with me sooner or later you're going to get hurt."

 

 

"Damn it Luke, I told you before, the only way you could hurt me, is if you leave me."

 

 

"You're wrong Bo, I'm going to hurt you. Hell I'm hurting you now and I haven't even given into the temptation of going back to the club yet."

 

 

"Luke please stop it. The only thing that's hurting me right now is seeing you beating yourself up like this. Can ya tell me why you're thinking about going to that club?" Wrapping my arms around him again, I bent down for a gentle kiss. "Let me help you babe, come inside with me, please. I want to show you how much I love you, want you to show me how to love you," I whispered huskily.

 

 

 

 

Pulling back, I looked into his eyes but I didn't see any deception. The only thing I could see was love and desire, "I don't know if I can Bo. But I don't want to go back to those other men, not really."

 

 

"Then come inside, we'll take things as slow as you need."

 

 

I couldn't help laughing at that.

 

 

"What?"

 

 

"I'm sorry darlin, it's just...well you're a virgin when it comes to this and, shouldn't that be my line?"

 

 

"Guess so, but when have we ever done things like everybody else?" He smiled at me in a way that I couldn't help returning.

 

 

Taking his hand, I led the way back into the cabin and to the bed in the corner. Sitting down on the mattress, I pulled Bo down beside me, caressing his face, I slowly leaned in and brushed my lips against his. I felt his arms slipping around my waist as he eagerly returned the kiss. Running my tongue across his lips, I deepened the kiss. Gently pushing him down onto the bed, I slowly opened the snaps on his shirt. Slipping the shirt from his body, I began to run my hands up and down his chest, the feel of his skin beneath my hands turning me on and taking me by surprise. *Maybe this can work, maybe our love can be enough.* Following the trail my hands were making with my lips, I kissed my way down his chest. Stopping my downward journey, I began to kiss and suck at his nipples, quickly discovering how sensitive they were. It wasn't long before Bo was twisting beneath me, pushing himself upward, unconsciously asking for more attention. Attention I was only too happy to give him, letting my hands continue to explore his gorgeous body, I continued to kiss and nibble at his chest, loving the sounds of his pleasure. Pushing myself to my knees, I moved to the end of the bed and pulled his boots off. Slowly moving my hands up his long legs, I began to unbuckle his belt. A moment later I pulled down the zipper on his jeans and was pulling them down his legs, dropping them onto the floor, before doing the same with his boxers. Gazing at the beautiful body laid out before me, I couldn't help grinning at the sight of Bo blushing under my stare.

 

 

"Ain't you a little overdressed cousin?" He asked, the mischevious twinkle in his eye the only warning I had before he pulled me down beside him. Turning onto his side, he propped himself up on one arm and tentatively reached for the snaps on my shirt. The care he was taking not to upset me, making sure he moved slow so he wouldn't startle me in any way, was one of the sexiest things I'd ever seen. Moving my hand to cover his, I put his hand on the next snap, silently giving him permission to continue. Mimicking the moves I'd made earlier, Bo soon had me undressed and was again laying beside me.

 

 

Leaning over him, I lowered my head and began to kiss him passionately. Slowly moving to his throat, I lightly nipped at his adam's apple, kissing it a second later before moving on. "Bo," I whispered between kisses, "I want to show you how good love between us can be." Feeling him trembling beneath me, I reached for his erection as I spoke. "Shh, it's okay darlin, we ain't gonna do too much today. You ain't ready for that, we got no lube and the truth is, I don't think I'm ready for that yet." I assured him, knowing that the trembling I felt from him was as much fear as anticipation. Kissing my way down his body, I slowly pumped his cock with my hand. Lightly sucking at the base of his erection, I slowly ran my tongue up the underside, until I reached the head. Darting my tongue out, I lapped up the drop of pre-cum I saw glistening in the slit. Gently drawing the head of his cock into my mouth, I held him down when he bucked up at the feel of my tongue swirling around the cockhead and down the sides. I slowly drew his cock deeper into my mouth, the sounds of his moans turning me on like nothing else ever had. As I sucked on him, I placed one long finger in my mouth, before moving to the crack of his perfect ass. Carefully pushing my finger into him, I gently moved it in and out, looking for that one spot that I knew would drive him crazy. By the time I found it a couple of minutes later, Bo was so near the edge from the dual sensations that one stroke across his prostate was all it took. Swallowing greedily, I drank down every drop of cum he had to offer, stopping only when he pulled away, the head of his cock too sensitive to touch. Moving back up the bed, I kissed him deeply, allowing him to taste himself on my lips.

 

 

"Oh God, that was...I ain't never felt anything like that Luke. I got a question though, how am I going to explain to Jesse that I ain't wearing my boots?"

 

 

"Why wouldn't you being wearing your boots?"

 

 

"Well, I figure it's gonna be hard to get them on with my toes curled like this," he grinned up at me, just before pushing me to my back. "My turn now."

 

 

"You don't have to Bo," I told him. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel like he was obligated to do something he wasn't ready for.

 

 

"I know that babe, I want to, believe me I want to," he whispered, his voice thick with lust. It was that more than anything that convinced me he was ready for this, I just hoped I was.

 

 

The sensations I was experiencing as Bo showered kisses on my chest, took me by surprise and filled me with hope. Slowly he kissed his way down my body, while he kept one hand wrapped around my dick, pumping it in a steady rythym. Looking down I saw the blond head bent over me, saw the pink tongue dart out to tentatively lick at the drop of precum and my erection wilted. Turning onto my side, I began to shiver, the images flashing through my mind making me sick.

 

 

"Luke? Did I do something wrong?"

 

 

"No!" Turning to face him, I reached up and pulled him down for a light kiss. "I'm sorry Bo, it's not you, it's me. I...you were doing great, I love the way you make me feel, never doubt that for a second. I just, well I started having flashbacks to the club and it made me sick. Guess I was right, I can't be with a man without the pain, maybe I really don't deserve anyth..."

 

 

"Don't you say that Luke! This is the first time we've done anything besides kissing. Seems to me you were doing fine, better than ya probably thought you would until the flashback. That tells me there's hope, it's just gonna take time."

 

 

"But how much time Bo? You should't have to wait for me, especially when I might never be able to get past the need for...that."

 

 

"Seems to me that's my choice to make, not yours. Don't give up on yourself Luke, don't give up on us," he begged, his eyes glistening with tears.

 

 

"I wish I could have as much faith as you, but I'll try Bo," I told him, reaching up and gently brushing the tears from his cheek.

 

 

"That's all I'm asking Luke," he whispered as he laid his head on my chest. "Luke?"

 

 

"Hmmm?"

 

 

"Will you do something for me?"

 

 

"If I can," I answered, wondering where this was leading.

 

 

"You think I'm a good person right?"

 

 

"No, I think you're the best."

 

 

"I don't know if you're right, but what I want you to do is, well.... I want you to remember that, whenever you start thinking you deserve to be hurt. Remember that I love you with everything that I am and if I'm a good person then you must be too, or I wouldn't love you. Maybe if you remind yourself of that, it'll help when you get the urge to go to that club again."

 

 

I just lay there staring at him for several minutes, once again reminded of just how lucky I really was. "Thank you Bo, I'll do my best to remember that, I think it'll help more than you realize. I love you too Beauregard James Duke, and I thank God every day that you feel the same way." Kissing him one more time, I reluctantly climbed out of the bed and began to get dressed. "Now, much as I enjoy lying in bed with you in my arms, I'm not ready to explain to Uncle Jesse why we ain't home for evening chores." Tossing his clothes to him, I waited for Bo to get dressed. Ten minutes later, we were back in the General and headed for home.

 


Chapter 6

 

 

"Please Luke, don't do this," I whispered, as I sat watching him outside the club two weeks later. Ever since that day when we had finally taken the next step in our relationship, things had been going well. Several times during the last two weeks, we had managed to slip away to the old cabin. Luke still hadn't managed to stay hard long enough to cum, but he got closer each time we were together. I was hoping that he no longer felt any urge to be here, but then something happened tonight and Luke ran. I just wish I knew what to do, how to show him that letting these men hurt him wasn't the answer. If only I could turn back time....

 

 

 

 

I had just finished bedding down the animals for the night when Luke slipped up behind me. Using skills he'd learned from Uncle Jesse and the Marines, he had moved up behind me without a sound. The first that I knew he was there, was when I felt his arms wrapping around my waist. Leaning his head on my shoulder, Luke whispered my name. Turning my head slightly, I brushed his lips in a gentle kiss, before turning in his arms and returning the embrace. "What brought this on?"

 

 

"Saw you standing here, just couldn't resist," Luke whispered his response. Pulling my head down for another kiss, we were both soon lost in the moment. So lost that we didn't hear the back door opening, didn't know Uncle Jesse was there...

 

 

"What in tarnation is going on here?" Jesse yelled, shocked and angered to find his two nephews in a passionate embrace.

 

 

"Uncle Jesse!" I yelped, jerking away from Luke, though I kept one arm around his waist.

 

 

"I knew about Luke, but since when do you like men Bo?"

 

 

"It's not like that Uncle Jesse. I've never really been attracted to any other man, Luke's different though. I love him Uncle Jesse, and he loves me. I'm sorry you had to find out like this, neither one of us wanted to upset ya, please believe that. Now that you do know though, I hope you'll be able to accept our love for what it is."

 

 

"Accept? You want me to accept you two as...no, I ain't gonna do it. I can't accept this, it's wrong, and you Luke. How could you take advantage of Bo like this?"

 

 

"Uncle Jesse, Luke ain't taking advantage of me. I'm a grown man and I know what I want. I love Luke with everything I am. I'm sorry you can't accept that, but don't you dare accuse him of doing anything wrong," I growled out, my voice tight with anger. By this time, I was standing directly in front of my uncle. Knowing Uncle Jesse like I do, the slap didn't really take me by surprise. As the words had been leaving my mouth, I knew I was on thin ice, Uncle Jesse had never tolerated any of us talking back.

 

 

"Don't you..."

 

 

The roar of a powerful engine interrupted him, taking us both by surprise. Running out of the barn, I was just in time to see Luke racing off in the General. I knew I'd never catch him in the pick-up, but if I was right I wouldn't need to worry about that. I ran into the house and grabbed my uncle's keys from the hook by the back door. When I came back outside, Uncle Jesse stood next to the pick-up, barring the door with his body. "Uncle Jesse, please move out of my way."

 

 

"I ain't gonna let you go after him, especially when he just proved me right."

 

 

"What are you talking about now?" I snapped at him, frustrated by the delay and terrified at the thought of where Luke might be going.

 

 

"Bo don't you see? If he really cared about you, he'd have stayed here instead of taking off. Oh I know he loves you as a cousin, but this...this other thing, for him it's just about getting what he wants. He's taking advantage of the love you feel for him, using the fact that you've always admired him to get what he wants. He's just got you confused Bo and I aim to put a stop to it."

 

 

"You're going to put a stop to it? Uncle Jesse weren't you listening to me, I'm a grown man and I know what I want. I can't believe what a hypocrite you are, ya say you're okay with Luke being gay, but now here you are objecting to me wanting to be with Luke."

 

 

"It ain't like that and you know it boy! If you was wanting to be with some other man, I'd be okay with it, but Luke's your cousin..."

 

 

"Bull! When that conman was here pretending to be our cousin, you sure didn't have any trouble with Daisy getting cozy with him." I reminded him, hoping I could get through to him before I had to move him out of my way. I was as angry with him as I could ever remember being, but he was still my uncle and I loved him, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.

 

 

Uncle Jesse staggered back against the truck as though my words had been a fist. "I...I'm sorry, guess I was being a hypocrite. But that still don't change the fact that he ran, left you to face me on your own. Bo if he really loves you wouldn't he be here by your side?"

 

 

"That's not why he left, he loves me, that's the reason he left. Uncle Jesse, Luke doesn't think he deserves my love. He spent so much time feeling guilty for being gay and for being in love with me, that he..." I broke off as I realized what I'd nearly told him. "I know you don't understand, and I can't tell ya without Luke's permission. Just know this, he did some things in Atlanta because of that guilt, things that make him feel like he doesn't deserve to be loved. Please Uncle Jesse, let me go after him before he does something he'll regret," I begged, barely holding back my tears.

 

 

 

I don't know if it was my words, or the tears shimmering in my eyes that convinced him. I sighed with relief, when he moved to the side, letting me climb into the truck. Grabbing my arm as I began to get into the cab, he looked at me his own eyes shining suspiciously. "You bring him home Bo, and tell him I'm sorry."

 

 

 

"I will Uncle Jesse," I told him. Jumping into the cab of the truck, I took off after Luke, hoping I wasn't too late.

 

 

I was surprised when I pulled up across from the club and saw him sitting in the parking lot. I didn't know how long he'd been sitting there, I was just glad he was still outside the club. Getting out of the pick-up, I walked over to the General and climbed into the passenger seat, "This ain't the answer Luke."

 

 

 

 

I jumped in surprise when Bo spoke from the seat beside me, "Dang it Bo, don't do that! What are you doing here anyway?"

 

 

"Trying to stop you from making a mistake," he answered honestly.

 

 

"It ain't a mistake Bo, the mistake was being with you. Uncle Jesse was right, I've been taking advantage of you..."

 

 

"Now you wait just one dang minute Luke Duke, I may not ever have been with a man before you, but that don't mean I don't know my own mind. You just listen to me, I...love...you, and I'm right where I want to be."

 

 

I saw him leaning towards me, his intent clear in his eyes and I turned my head, avoiding his kiss. "Don't Bo, you said it yourself, I'm the only man you ever considered being with. If I wasn't your cousin, you wouldn't ever have thought about being with me, I should've seen it for myself. I'm just glad we haven't done anything more than what we have. I thought about it all the way here," I hesitated, knowing he wasn't going to like what I had to say. "I'm leaving Hazzard Bo, maybe after I'm gone Uncle Jesse'll get over being mad at you and you can get back to being normal."

 

 

"Normal? Damn it Luke there ain't nothing wrong with us loving each other and Uncle Jesse knows it too. Don't look at me like that, he even told me to say he was sorry for what he said. We ain't talked it all out, but he knows he's being a hypocrite. Come home Luke, please don't go in there," he begged, the pain in his voice nearly a physical thing.

 

 

"How can you want me? I say I love you and at the first sign of trouble, I run off and come to this place. I don't deserve you Bo, please let me go before I hurt you," I plead with him, trying not to let him see my heart breaking at the thought of leaving him.

 

 

 

"I can want you because I love you. I done told you before Luke, the only way you can hurt me is if you leave me."

 

 

"I don't know if I'm strong enough, but I don't want to go in there either," I told him. Reaching out to caress his cheek, I wrapped my hand behind his neck and drew him towards me for a kiss. "I thought coming here was the answer, but it's not. Before you got here, I was sitting here, looking at the door and remembering what you said about me being a good person. I didn't know where I was gonna go, but I had already decided that if I went in there it'd be a betrayal of your love. Are you sure Uncle Jesse'll be okay with me coming home?" I asked him, still not sure going home was a good idea.

 

 

"I'm sure Luke. Uncle Jesse knows he was wrong to say the things he did. He knows you'd never hurt me or take advantage of me. You ready to go home now?"

 

 

"Ready as I'll ever be," I replied, kissing him once more. Drawing back, he grinned at me before pulling himself out of the car. Watching him jog across the street, I waited for him to climb into the pick-up, before starting the General and heading home.

 

 

 

 

Pulling into the yard, I parked the truck beside the General and got out. Stepping over to Luke, I pulled him into my arms. "I love you," I reminded him, before drawing back and leading the way inside. As soon as we stepped into the kitchen, Uncle Jesse called us into the living room. Walking into the living room, I was surprised to see Daisy sitting there too. I hadn't even noticed her jeep parked in the drive, "Uncle Jesse, um, does Daisy know?"

 

 

"Yeah Bo, I do, y'all ain't got to worry about me. I admit I'm not real sure how I feel, but I've always wanted y'all to be happy. If being with each other is what makes ya happy, then I'll accept it and I'll get past whatever discomfort it causes me." Daisy told us, standing up and coming over to give us each a hug, before going back to her seat.

 

 

I looked at Luke, relieved to see that he didn't look like he was ready to run again. Stepping over to the couch, I pulled my cousin with me and sat down. When Luke sat beside me, I made a point of putting my arm around him and pulling him close. "I'm glad to hear you say that Daisy, I'd hate to break up the family," the gasps that statement caused wasn't a surprise.

 

 

"Now Bo there ain't no reason to be talking like that," Uncle Jesse told me. "Luke, I'm sorry for what I said. I had no call to accuse you of taking advantage of Bo. I know you better than that, and Bo is right, he's a grown man, capable of making his own decisions. I ain't gonna say that I'm real comfortable with it, but I don't have the right to tell either of you who to love. I've always told you kids, Dukes don't fight Dukes, I'm sorry I forgot that for a little bit. I hope you both can forgive me, but I'll understand if you can't."

 

 

 

"Of course I forgive ya Uncle Jesse, can't really blame ya for being upset, it must've been a shock to ya." I told him. "I know ya ain't either one real comfortable with the idea of me and Bo being together, not that I don't understand. But this is your home too and you shouldn't have to be uncomfortable, which is why I'm going to move out."

 

 

"Luke! What are ya talking about? I...I thought you weren't giving up on us," Bo stuttered out.

 

 

I knew it would hurt him, I could only hope he would understand after I explained. "Bo, I'm not giving up on us. But I realized tonight, I need some time alone, and so do you. Now listen to me please, ever since you found me at that club in Atlanta, you've been by my side nearly every minute. I'm not angry about that Bo, I love you for wanting to protect me, even from myself. The thing is Bo, I'm on the verge of letting you become an addiction, and that ain't healthy. Look you only realized how you felt that night, the thing is, with all that you saw that night, how do you know it's real."

 

 

"Not you too, Luke I told you I know what love feels like and I lo..."

 

 

"I know Bo, I'm not saying you don't love me. Damn, I'm not explaining this very well. Okay, what I'm trying to get at is this; How do you know that the love you feel isn't just a reaction to what you saw. Bo, I know you want me safe, that's why you've been hovering. But if I never get time alone, how will I know if I've really beat the addiction, or just replaced it with another one. And if you never get time alone, how can you be sure that what you feel isn't just coming from your need to keep me safe. I ain't talking about us not being together, I'll still be here every day to help with the chores and we'll see each other all the time. I just need a chance to learn to get past my problem without using you as a crutch. Please Bo, don't argue with me on this," I asked, caressing his face, hoping he would understand.

 

 

"I love you Luke, I don't think I need time to know that for sure. But if you feel like this is what you need, I'll support you. Just remember I'm always here if you need me," he whispered. Leaning forward, he gave me a soft kiss, ignoring Daisy and Unlce Jesse's presence in the room. Pulling back, I lightly brushed the tears from his cheek, before turning to our uncle.

 

 

"Uncle Jesse, if it's okay with you, I was thinking I could move up to still site four. It wouldn't be any problem to make it livable, I can put a cb inside so I can be reached in an emergency. Would that be okay?"

 

 

"Of course it's okay Luke, but I do have a question. What is this addiction y'all are talking about? Did Bo lie when he said you wasn't doing anything illegal?" Uncle Jesse asked me, obviously not happy.

 

 

"Bo didn't lie to you Uncle Jesse, I do have a problem but it ain't anything illegal. I won't go into details, trust me ya don't want to know, but I was doing something in Atlanta to deal with the guilt I felt. Guilt about being gay and about loving Bo, um, it involved, dang this is hard to explain. It involved me being hurt, kind of to atone for not being normal and well after a while it became kind of an addiction." I tried to explain, without going into any details. I just hoped that the explanation would be enough for now, I really didn't want to tell Uncle Jesse or Daisy just what it had involved. It was bad enough that Bo knew, the thought of anybody else knowing how weak I'd been was more than I could stand.

 

 

"Alright Luke, I won't ask anything else right now. If you ever need to talk, I'll be here. So when do you figure on moving to the cabin?"

 

 

"Well, I guess it'll take a couple of days to get everything ready. I suppose I'll move up there this weekend, okay?"

 

 

"That'll be fine Luke. Well we got chores in the morning, so we'd better all get to bed. Goodnight," Uncle Jesse said, standing up and heading to his bedroom.

 

 

A moment later, Daisy followed him, stopping to give me and Bo each a quick hug and a kiss goodnight. Turning to Bo, I stood up and pulled him to his feet. "Come on darlin, it's been a long night," I said, before heading for our bedroom.

 

 

Reaching our bedroom, I wasted no time in getting undressed and climbing into bed. Several minutes passed, before Bo walked into the room. Silently he undressed and climbed into the bed beside me. Wrapping my arms around him, I pulled him against me, "I love you Bo," I whispered softly in his ear.

 

 

"I love you too Luke," he replied, closing his eyes and snuggling into my embrace.

 

 

Lying there, holding him in my arms, I let the sound of his steady breathing and the solid feel of him relax me. As I drifted to sleep, I prayed that my decision was the right one.

 

 


Chapter 7

 

Bold text and/or ( ) indicates Bo's pov, regular text indicates Luke's pov.

 

 

 

By Saturday night, I had moved into the cabin at the old still site. Wanting Bo to understand that I intended to come back, I only took as much as I would need, leaving most of my belongings at the farm. Turning away from making the bed, I saw Bo standing in the doorway looking lost. "Bo, please don't look at me like that. It's not forever," I reminded him, as he stepped over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

 

 

( "I know Luke, I just...I'm trying to understand. " I stood there wishing I could explain my feelings better. "I want you to do whatever you need to, but I'm gonna miss being held every night.")

 

 

"And I'm gonna miss holding you, but I need to do this Bo. The other night when Jesse caught us, my first instinct was to run to the club. I know I resisted the urge to go inside, and that's a real good thing. The problem is, it made me realize that I've become dependent on you. The only thing that kept me from going inside that night was the thought of betraying you."

 

 

("I don't understand Luke, why is that a bad thing?" I asked, still confused by Luke's reasoning.)

 

 

"It's not that it's a bad thing darlin," I softly answered. "Come 'ere," I said, pulling Bo towards the bed and pushing him down onto the edge. Sitting down beside my cousin, I reached out with one hand to caress my lover's face. "I don't want you to think that I feel like loving you is a bad thing, and I'm grateful that thoughts of you kept me from making a big mistake. The problem is, I don't ever want my love for you to become the kind of need I have for the things that happened in that club. I'm not explaining this very well, am I?" I asked, seeing the confused look on Bo's face. "Okay, Bo if you're the only thing keeping me from going back to that club, what happens to me if our relationship ends?"

 

 

"That ain't gonna happen Luke," Bo stated with conviction, his sureness touching, if a bit naive.

 

 

"You don't know that Bo, the future ain't written in stone ya know. I'm thinking about you too. Bo, I need to know that I can resist the urge to go back to the clubs, for the right reasons. I need to know that I'll stay away because I know it's not healthy for me, that's why I need this time alone. But there's another reason for this, I don't want you to feel like you can't end this because you're afraid I'll go back to that sickness. The only way I can see to make sure that our relationship is sitting on a solid foundation, is to prove to myself and you that.... No matter how much I love you, and never doubt that I do, I can function and be healthy without you."

 

 

("I guess that makes sense," I softly said. Leaning my head against Luke's shoulder, I sighed, hoping Luke would say yes. "Luke, I ain't arguing with you, in fact I admire you for having the strength to do this, but...could I stay here tonight? Please.")

 

 

"I kind of figured you'd want to, that's why I told Uncle Jesse not to expect you home," I answered. When Bo raised his head with a jerk and look at me in surprise, I couldn't help the teasing grin that crossed my face. "What? You think I've been around you all your life and ain't learned how to read you?"

 

 

( "I love you," I whispered. Leaning in for a gentle kiss, I felt like a schoolkid as my lips brushed across Luke's. Within seconds, the gentle kiss began to turn more passionate as I ran my tongue across Luke's lips, silently asking for entrance. As the lips beneath mine parted, I sensously began to explore my lover's mouth with my tongue, moaning with pleasure as Luke used his own tongue to explore my mouth. I laid back on the bed, pulling Luke with me. As I continued to kiss my cousin, I began to open Luke's shirt, slowly running my hands across my lover's chest. Stopping to tweak the small brown nubs, I felt myself growing hard at the sounds coming from Luke's throat. Moaning myself in response, I broke the kiss. Moving to my cousin's neck, I began to lightly nip at the skin above the pulse point. With a slowness that was torture in itself, I gradually kissed and nibbled my way down Luke's body. As I paid attention to my lover's chest with my lips, my hands were busy freeing him of his jeans. Groaning with need at the feel of my lover's cock beneath my hand, I began to kiss my way down the hard body beside me. Stopping when I reached the hard cock, I licked my lips in anticipation at the drop of pre-cum glistening on the head of Luke's cock. "Luke, tell me what you want," I whispered huskily.)

 

 

"You know what I want Bo," I responed, confused by Bo's request.

 

 

( "I want to hear you say it, please," I told him, my instincts telling me that Luke needed this, even if he didn't know it.)

 

 

"I want you to...suck me," I whispered so quietly Bo could barely hear me.

 

 

( It was enough; I eagerly lapped up the drop of pre-cum with my tongue. A second later, I engulfed my lover's cock with my mouth, taking it down as deeply as I could. As I sucked on the hard cock in my mouth, I fondled Luke's balls. Occassionally pressing against the skin just behind them, I enjoyed the feel of Luke bucking beneath me, each time I applied the bit of pressure. Moving my head up and down the thick shaft, I continuously swirled my tongue around Luke's cock, being sure to dip into the slit each time I reached the head. I could hardly believe what I was feeling, as I worked at my lover's cock, I could feel Luke's balls drawing up as he moved closer and closer to orgasm. A couple of minutes later, I applied a bit of pressure, simultaneously taking Luke's cock as deep as I could and beginning to hum, I could have whooped with joy. It happened so fast, Luke didn't even have a chance to warn me. Luke screamed my name as he shot his load down my willing throat. Willing I might be, but I had never gotten Luke to this point, and I had no idea how to go about swallowing the thick liquid without choking. Reluctantly, I allowed Luke's cock to slip from my mouth. Moving up the bed, I held him in my arms as he continued to shoot his load and tremble in my embrace. "Luke what is it?" I asked when I felt the tears falling on my chest. "I'm sorry, whatever I did wrong, please forgive me Luke," I begged, as I tried to understand what was happening.)

 

 

"No Bo, you didn't do anything wrong, you have to believe that." I assured him, God knew it was the truth. "I'm, Lord I sound like a girl, but I'm crying because I'm happy. Bo I never thought I'd be able to, until tonight I was terrified that I would never be able to enjoy sex without pain again. Maybe I wouldn't have if it hadn't been for you, I love you Bo, thank you," I told him. Pulling him down for a kiss, I reached down towards his denim covered crotch, surprised when he drew away. "Bo?" I began to ask and then stopped, I couldn't bare to ask him. I needed to know why he was acting this way, but what if he was sorry? What if now that he'd actually brought me off, he was disgusted by the act?

 

 

( "Sorry babe, I...um, this is embarassing Luke. I guess it was knowing that you'd finally been able to that did it..." I trailed off, I had no idea how I was gonna tell him this.)

 

 

"Bo you can tell me anything, you know that right? Even if you...I told you I don't want you to feel like you have to stay with me..."

 

 

("No! Luke it's nothing like that. Dang it, I...came in my jeans Luke," I could feel my cheeks turning red as I turned away.)

 

 

I looked at him for several second in disbelief, he had to be making it up. Seeing the blush that was covering his face, I glanced down and couldn't help bursting out in laughter at the telltale stain. "I'm sorry Bo, I didn't mean to laugh, it's just...well I'm relieved. The way you were hemming and hawing, I was sure you'd changed your mind about us. Figured that the way I choked you and the taste had disgusted ya and made you realize that you didn't want to be with me or any man. Kind of flattering in a way, to think that my cumming could have that strong of an effect on ya," I told him, and finding that surprisingly I meant it too.

 

 

("Yeah, well don't get used to it lover. I'm pretty sure this was a one time thing, it better be anyway, I ain't in any hurry to do sixteen again," I told him, not even angry about the laughing. How could I be angry at him for laughing, when only a minute ago he had thought I was ready to leave? "Luke, why did you think that I would be disgusted? Didn't you believe me when I told you I love you?")

 

 

"I believed you Bo, don't look at me like that, I did. But, you've never been with a man before. When you pulled away, I couldn't help thinking that it was because you'd realized that you'd made a mistake." I explained, praying that he would understand.

 

 

("I guess that makes sense, after all it's not like I've ever tasted another man's cum or tried to swallow it before. I can see where my pulling away would make you think I was having doubts. So now that we've got that cleared up, what do ya say we get cleaned up?" I asked, smiling at him, making sure he knew that everything between us was okay.)

 

 

After we cleaned ourselves up, I sent Bo to gather some firewood for the stove. While he did that, I began to slice some spam for frying. By the time Bo came back with an armload of wood, I had finished with the spam and was looking through my supplies for something to go with it. Grabbing up a can of peas and another of corn, I sat them on the small table while I gathered the pans I'd need. Turning around, I saw that Bo had gotten a good fire started in the stove and had sat the skillet on top to heat. Dumping the peas and corn into the saucepan, I moved to the stove and placed the pan behind the skillet. Picking up the plate that held the spam, I nudged Bo aside. "Thanks darlin, why don't you get the table set while I do this," I suggested as I began to place the meat in the skillet. Watching Bo move about the small cabin, gathering the plates and utensils, I was surprised at how right these simple domestic acts felt.

 

 

 

 

 

(Three days later I was in the Boar's Nest, enjoying a cold beer and talking to Cooter. I had tried to get Luke to come down with me tonight, but he had insisted that he wanted to be alone. I trusted Luke, always had, but I couldn't help worrying that he would give into temptation. But I knew that no matter how hard it was, I had to give him the space he needed. If I told him no, tried to make him do this my way, I wouldn't be any better than those men in the club. I knew Luke would argue with me about that, but it didn't change the way I felt. "So Cooter, when's that new camshaft gonna be in?" I asked, hoping to take my mind off of Luke.

 

 

"Oh it should be in Friday, y'all gonna be able to bring the General in then?"

 

 

"Long as Rosco and Boss don't try to start any trouble, we'll be there after lunch," I answered.

 

 

"That'll work, uh, buddyro don't look now but there's a shark headed our way," Cooter warned me, just before I felt a hand on my back.

 

 

Turning in my seat, I looked up knowing exactly who I would see. Yep, Sherry Leigh Wilson, great just what I needed. "Hi Sherry," I greeted her, trying to be polite without encouraging her in any way. Luke and I had talked about this, neither of us was ready to go public and so we planned to keep dating girls. I didn't plan on Sherry being one of the girls I dated though. The plan was to only date girls that we could satisfy with just a little fooling around. We figured that way we could be faithful to each other, but not lead any of the girls on either. Sherry Wilson wasn't one of those girls, shoot I wouldn't have dated her even before I got together with Luke. Cooter wasn't kidding when he called her a shark, there wasn't a man in Hazzard who didn't know that Sherry was a man-eater and more trouble than she was worth. Not that it stopped her from trying, not that girl. She never could take no for an answer, and Lord knew I'd been trying to tell her no for the last six months.

 

 

"Hey Bo, what do ya say we go somewhere private? I'm sure Cooter wouldn't mind," she whispered loudly in my ear, making my skin crawl in response.

 

 

"Uh, actually Sherry I need to talk to Cooter about some business. Why don't you see if Ernie's interested," I suggested, earning myself a slap to the face.

 

 

"Ernie?" she screamed in my face, after slapping me. "I was trying to be nice, do you a favor and you try to palm me off on somebody else. Who the hell do you think you are, anyway?" She yelled, before turning on her heel and stomping out of the bar.

 

 

"You okay Bo?" Daisy asked, walking up to me and giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

 

 

"Yeah I'm fine Daisy. Wonder what got into her though? Not like I've ever given her any encouragement," I mumbled, confused by the strength of her reaction. "You know Cooter, I think I'm gonna head on home," I told my friend. Moving towards the door, I was surprised to find that Daisy had followed me outside.

 

 

"Bo?"

 

 

"What's wrong Daisy?" I asked, knowing that she hadn't followed me outside just because of a little slap.

 

 

"I wasn't sure if I should tell you this or not, but with the way she acted tonight.... Sherry's been talking about you for the last few weeks Bo, you and Luke."

 

 

"What about me and Luke?"

 

 

"Well...she's just saying stuff cause you keep turning her down. Aw Bo, she's been saying stuff about you and Luke acting like a couple. I just figured you should know, in case she tries to cause trouble," Daisy told me, a worried look on her pretty face.

 

 

"Thanks for letting me know Daisy, but there ain't nothing to worry about. I ain't gonna let that little witch ruin what me and Luke have," I told her thinking that's what she was worried about.

 

 

"It ain't just that Bo. What if she decides to follow y'all, if she finds out the truth, she'll tell everybody in town. I don't want to see you boys getting hurt, and we both know some people are gonna have a problem with it."

 

 

"You think she'd go that far?" Seeing the look on her face was answer enough, "Yeah, she would. Dang it Daisy, why can't things be easy for once?" I knew I sounded like a little kid, but I couldn't seem to help myself. I just wanted to love Luke, it was the thought of Luke that gave me an idea. "Maybe they can be, you better get back to work Daisy," I told her as I ran for the pick-up and jumped inside.

 

 

"Bo, wait! What are you...?" Daisy yelled as I pulled out of the parking lot. I knew that Luke had wanted to be alone tonight, but thanks to Sherry I was going to have to interrupt him. I didn't think he'd mind too much though once I got there. I never made it though, not that night anyway. Driving down the road, I was focused on reaching Luke, knowing that once he knew what the problem was, he'd have a plan. I didn't see the car that suddenly pulled out from a side road and into my path until it was too late. Turning the wheel sharply to the right, I felt the tires dropped off the road. A minute later, I heard the front tire pop and I lost control. The truck twisted away from me, even as I fought for control. Hitting a half buried log with one tire, I felt the pick-up tilting to one side. Hanging upside down in the cab, the last thing I saw before passing out was a pair of legs climbing out of the other car.)

 

 


Chapter 8

 

  • indicates thoughts

 

{ } indicates Bo's pov

 

 

 

{The first thing I was aware of was pain; biting back a moan, I slowly opened my eyes. When I finally managed to open them, I saw that I was in the hospital. Looking around the room, I was surprised to find myself alone, then I heard a noise from the bathroom. Smiling, I waited for Luke to step out of the bathroom so I could let him know I was awake. The door into the bathroom began to open and I turned my head towards it, "You, what are you doing here?"

 

 

"Why Bo, is that any way to talk to your girlfriend?"

 

 

"What are you talking about Sherry? You ain't my girlfriend and ain't never gonna be either."

 

 

"You might want to wait and see what I have to say before you say something like that," Sherry replied in a cold voice.

 

 

"There ain't nothing you could say that would make that happen," I told her firmly. I couldn't believe she was here and acting like this. Reaching for the button to call the nurse, I froze when Sherry spoke again.

 

 

"Push that button and I'll tell everybody about you and Luke."

 

 

"What...what about me and Luke?"

 

 

"Why that you're lovers of course, oh don't try to deny it Bo. I heard you and Daisy talking outside the Boar's Nest earlier, that's why I ran you off the road. Though I admit, I didn't really expect you to end up in the hospital, I just wanted to get you alone so we could talk. Why aren't you just the least little bit curious about what I have to say?"

 

 

"Not particularly no," I told her, determined that she wouldn't see any fear from me.

 

 

"Well I'll tell you anyway, darlin. Oh you don't like that Bo, is that what Luke calls ya? I can see you're getting impatient so I'll cut to the chase. I want you in my bed Bo Duke, I'll have you there too or I'll make sure you and that cousin of your's are driven out of town." Sherry spoke softly, and without emotion as she reached down and began to rub against my cock with her hand.

 

 

Shaking with anger and revulsion, I jerked away from her touch, "Don't touch me. Why are you doing this Sherry? Can't you get a man into your bed any other way?" She slapped me with enough force to turn my head to the side and I was sure I had a nice mark on my face. "Truth hurt?" I couldn't resist the question, furious that she was trying to blackmail me into her bed.

 

 

"You keep that up and you'll soon find out. As to why I'm doing this, it's really quite simple, it's about the power. I can't help getting turned on at the thought of being able to order a man into my bed, whenever and wherever I want. And just so we're clear Bo, you will come to me whenever I tell you to and you will make love to me, or..."

 

 

"Or you tell everybody in Hazzard about me and Luke," I finished her sentence, not bothering to hide my anger from her.

 

 

"And everybody says you're just a dumb blond," Sherry said with a smirk. "I'm going to leave now, I'll call you in a few days Bo for your answer. Oh and by the way, you might want to call your family and let them know where you are," she said, just before walking out the door.

 

 

Lying there in that hospital bed, I'd only ever felt this helpless a couple of times in my life. I didn't like it any better now, than I had before. Not knowing what else to do, I reached for the phone and called my family to tell them I'd been in an accident. "Uncle Jesse, I..."

 

 

"Bo! Where are you? Are you okay?" my uncle asked, interrupting me before I could tell him anything.

 

 

"I'm in the hospital Uncle Jesse," looking down at the phone I saw the room number and hospital name. "I'm at Tri-County, room 118. Can you come get me Uncle Jesse?"

 

 

"Of course I can, we'll be there soon Bo."

 

 

He hung up before I realized what he'd said. I tried to call him back, knowing I wasn't ready to face Luke, but they had already left. Lying there, all I could think about was Sherry's words, and I didn't know what I was going to do.}

 

 

 

When Uncle Jesse called me on the cb, the worry I heard in his voice sent fear down my spine. Even without the worry in his voice, I would've been afraid when he asked me to come home, with no explanation. Telling him I'd be there soon, I ran outside and jumped into the General. *Calm down, you ain't gonna help nobody if you have a wreck,* I reminded myself. Taking several deep breaths, I forced myself to calm down before I tried to drive back to the farm.

 

 

Pulling into the drive the first thing I noticed was that the pick-up wasn't there. Climbing out of the General, I ran inside calling for my uncle. Seeing my uncle with the phone in his hand, and the fear on his face, I began to hammer him with questions. "What happened Uncle Jesse? Where's Bo? Why did ya call me? What's wrong?"

 

 

"Luke!" Uncle Jesse yelled, grabbing me by my shoulders and squeezing firmly. "Calm down and I'll tell ya what I know."

 

 

Breathing deeply, I clamped down on the horrible fear that I was feeling. "Alright, I'm calm."

 

 

"Cooter called me earlier, he found my pick-up near the beginning of Mill Pond Road. It was upside down and there was blood on the steering wheel."

 

 

"Bo?"

 

 

"I don't know son, there wasn't any sign of him, but Cooter said there were some tire tracks nearby. I knew Bo was going to the Boar's Nest, so I called and asked. Daisy said he left at least three hours ago, and before you ask, Cooter found the truck about thirty minutes ago."

 

 

"Have you checked the hospitals?" I asked, a little more forcefully than I meant to.

 

 

"I know you're worried Luke, so am I, but don't you use that tone with me."

 

 

"I'm sorry Uncle Jesse."

 

 

"I called Rosco and reported Bo missing, not that it did any good. I just got off the phone with Captial City hospital and was about to call Tri-County. Now you..." Uncle Jesse started to say, only to be interrupted by the phone ringing. "Duke farm, Jesse Duke speaking...Bo! Where are you boy? Are you okay?" I heard him ask and then he was telling Bo we'd be there soon. "He's in Tri-County and wants us to come get him," Uncle Jesse told me as though I hadn't been standing there the whole time.

 

 

I knew I was probably wearing the same silly grin on my face as Uncle Jesse, but I didn't care. Bo was alive, and if he was calling then he wasn't hurt too badly. Outside, I helped Uncle Jesse into the General, not even caring when he gave his usual complaints about the doors. Racing towards Tri-County Hospital, I started to worry again, wondering why it had taken so long for us to be notified. Forcing my mind away from that line of thought, I focused on my driving. Twenty minutes later I was pulling into the parking lot at Tri-County and climbling out of the car. After helping Uncle Jesse out of the car, we hurried inside to the information desk. Getting directions to room 118, we walked down the hall as quickly as we could. Pushing open the door, I wasn't sure what to expect, but it I hadn't expected this. Bo was lying on the single bed, an i.v. running into the back of his left hand and a bandage on his forehead. What worried me though, were the tear tracks I saw on his beautiful face and the fear in his eyes when he turned towards me.

 

 

"Bo, what is it? What's wrong?" I asked, sitting down on the bed and pulling him into my arms.

 

 

"Luke, oh God Luke I'm sorry...I'm so sorry," Bo mumbled into the side of my neck, the tears still falling down his face.

 

 

"It's okay Bo, whatever it is, we'll work it out," I told him. I looked at Uncle Jesse, but he only shrugged his shoulders, so he had no idea what this was about either. "Bo, darlin..." I broke off when he suddenly began to cry even harder at the term of endearment.

 

 

{I had laid there in that bed, waiting for Uncle Jesse and Luke to arrive, with no idea of what to say. Sherry's threat kept replaying in my head, the longer I lay there the more afraid I was becoming. I wasn't really afraid for myself, though I hated the idea of having to leave Hazzard, Luke was the one I feared for. I knew he could handle leaving Hazzard, but he had already felt guilty for loving me, if we lost our home, what would it do to him? Would he blame himself? Would it drive him back to that club? As I remembered what I'd seen that night, the tears started to fall. The longer I had to wait, the more time I had to think, the more afraid I became. So by the time Luke and Uncle Jesse arrived I wasn't doing well. Luke must have seen something in my eyes when I looked his way, he rushed to my side and pulled me into his arms. I was trying to get myself under control, but all I could think of was that my mistake was going to costs us so much. The worst was knowing what it would do, might do to Luke. I was just beginning to calm down when he called me darlin and I completely lost it.}

 

 

"Bo calm down, please you're scaring me," I begged, rubbing soothing circles on his back. At some point, Uncle Jesse left the room while I kept trying to calm Bo. Finally after what seemed like hours, his tears began to slow down, I continued to whisper soothing words into his ear until the tears stopped flowing. Pulling back from him slightly, I looked into his deep blue eyes, "Better?"

 

 

"Yeah, sorry about that," he apologized, obviously embarassed.

 

 

"It's okay Bo. Can ya tell me what happened now?" I gently asked him, hoping the question wouldn't uspset him.

 

 

"I had an accident, but it's not that simple."

 

 

"Never is," I told him, earning myself a light chuckle.

 

 

"Guess not, I was at the Boar's Nest earlier and Sherry Wilson was there. She tried to get me to go somewhere with her and I turned her down. Must've made her pretty mad, cause she slapped me and left. I ain't got any idea why it made her so mad, like I told Daisy I ain't never encouraged her."

 

 

"Bo what's this got to do with your accident?"

 

 

"I'm getting to that Luke, just bear with me please. I decided to leave right after that and went outside. Daisy followed me and she told me that Sherry's been saying stuff about us acting like a couple. Daisy wanted to warn me to be careful, in case she tried to follow one of us or something. I was on my way home, when this car came out of nowhere and I swerved to avoid it. Front tire on the truck blew and the next thing I knew I was hanging upside down. I don't know how I got here, but when I woke up Sherry was here and..."

 

 

"And what Bo?" I asked him, getting a very bad feeling about what was coming.

 

 

{I had thought about it while I was waiting, and even though I knew it would upset him, I knew I had to tell him. Now though the moment was here, I wasn't sure I could, didn't know if I should. Looking away, I closed my eyes and tried to stop the thoughts of that club. *Lord, please help me. Tell me what to say, I don't want to drive Luke back to that place. I can't be the cause of him getting hurt, what do I do? Please God tell me what to do?* I silently begged, as I fought the tears, and tried to make a decision. As I lay there, I could feel Luke's hand on my arm, could hear him telling me that whatever it was we could handle it together and suddenly I knew what to do. As clearly as if I were sitting in church, I heard the preacher reminding us all that with faith all things are possible. Opening my eyes, I turned back to face my lover and best friend. "She's the one that ran me off the road Luke."

 

 

"What?" he nearly yelled. "That little wit..."

 

 

"Calm down Luke, there's more. She...she wants me in her bed and if I don't, she'll tell everybody in Hazzard about us."}

 

 

"That's why you're so upset? Why you were saying you were sorry?" I asked him, thinking that he was afraid I'd blame him. "Did you think I'd be mad at you?"

 

 

{"No, I just, while I was waiting I kept thinking about what she said and remembering that club, I was afraid..." I broke off, not sure what to say.}

 

 

"You were afraid of what?"

 

 

{"I was afraid that you'd start feeling guilty again and go back there. I can't stand the thought of you letting them hurt you Luke, especially on my account." I told him, almost in a whisper, as though saying it out loud would make it happen.}

 

 

"Aw Bo, look at me darlin...what?" I asked when the tears started welling up in his eyes.

 

 

"Sorry, she was calling me that, when she touched me and..."

 

 

"Damn her! You didn't tell me she had touched you, what else did she do?" I asked, hating the suspicion that had crept into my voice.

 

 

{ "Nothing Luke, I pulled away from her as soon as she touched me. I ain't hiding nothing from you Luke, I swear, I honestly didn't realize I hadn't told you." I assured him, hoping that he trusted my love enough to believe me.}

 

 

"I'm sorry Bo, I didn't mean to sound like I was mad at you. I sure ain't blaming you for what she did, which reminds me. I understand you being worried about me going to the club, but this is different than before. Bo, when I went to the club before, it was because I felt guilty for being gay and for loving you, but things are different now. First of all, I know that you return my love and second I know that Daisy and Uncle Jesse are okay with my being gay and us being together. I didn't move out because I doubted your love, or their acceptance. I moved out to prove to myself that I was strong enough to resist temptation without using you as a crutch. What that little witch is pulling though, I ain't gonna blame myself for her actions and I for damn sure ain't gonna let you give into her. So if you were planning to give into her, you can just stop even thinking about that." I told him, making sure he knew I meant it.

 

 

{"Luke if I don't, she'll tell everybody in Hazzard and there's some that ain't gonna like it. We might even get run out of town, have to leave our home. If having sex with her will keep you safe, I can handle it. Heck, it ain't like I've never had sex with a woman before," I reminded him. Though I had tried to hide it, the revulsion I felt at the thought of sex with Sherry Wilson must've come through.}

 

 

"I'm sure you could Bo, and what about afterwards? Bo we haven't really talked about what happened at the club, the way it made me feel when that man raped me. I know it's not really my fault, but that didn't stop me from feeling dirty, feeling like I deserved what happened to me. There is no way I'm going to stand by and let you be put through the same thing, we'll figure something out but not that." I told him, letting him know for the first time just what I'd felt after the rape.

 

 

"I'm sorry you went through that babe, sorry I didn't realize sooner what was happening. But this is different, it wouldn't be rape."

 

 

 

"Don't kid yourself Bo, that's exactly what it would be. You don't want to have sex with her, you'd only be doing it to keep her from telling about us. If you give into her, do what she wants it would be rape, just as sure as if she'd held a knife to your throat. Now when does she expect you to come to her?"

 

 

"She said she'd call in a few days, why?"

 

 

"Perfect, that gives us time to come up with a plan. Bo, we're gonna beat Sherry Wilson at her own game." I told him, a smile on my face as I began to work out a plan.

 

 


Chapter 9

 

 

After what Sherry had told Bo, I wasn't going to take the chance of anybody else trying something similar. I had some ideas about what we could do about Sherry, but I would need to talk to a lawyer first and it was too late now. "I've got a few ideas Bo, but I don't want to get into it until I'm sure it can be done. In the meantime, what did the doctor say about your injuries?"

 

 

"I ain't hurt bad Luke, just a little bump on the head and the doc wants to keep me here overnight. I don't see why I have to stay though," Bo protested, just like I expected him to.

 

 

"Now Bo, if the doctor says you need to stay here overnight, then you're gonna stay, no arguments. Of course that doesn't mean I can't stay here with you," I told him with a smile.

 

 

Turning towards the door, I saw Uncle Jesse coming back into the room. "Hey Uncle Jesse, thanks for giving us some time."

 

 

"You're welcome boy, did Bo tell you what the doctor said?"

 

 

"Yeah, just a bump on the head and he needs to stay overnight," I answered, though I started getting suspicious when I saw the look on his face. "What?"

 

 

"Boy ain't you ever gonna learn?" Jesse asked, moving over to Bo and lightly smacking his arm.

 

 

{I should've known one of them would end up talking to a nurse or the doctor. "I'm sorry Uncle Jesse, I just didn't want to worry y'all."

 

 

"Worry us? Bo, we're your family and that's what family does," Uncle Jesse reminded me.

 

 

"He's right Bo, now you gonna tell me the whole story or is Uncle Jesse?" Luke asked.

 

 

"It ain't that bad Luke, doc said I got a slight concussion and need to rest for a couple of days, that's all." Looking at Uncle Jesse when he cleared his throat, I glanced down sheepishly, "And I got a cut on my leg, it, um, needed twelve stitches to close it."

 

 

"Twelve stitches! I can't believe you weren't gonna tell me about that," Luke said, his voice rising sharply.

 

 

"I wasn't planning to not tell ya Luke, I was just gonna wait until we were home."

 

 

"Until I sprung ya and took you home tonight ya mean?"

 

 

"Yeah," I agreed, looking away, unable to stand seeing the look of angry betrayal in his eyes.

 

 

"Ya lied to me Bo, don't say it," he interrupted before I could point out I never said I didn't have a cut. "A lie of omission is just the same as any other lie, and you know it. What's worse is the fact that you tried to use me, just so you wouldn't have to spend the night in the hospital. How could you do that?" Luke asked, before standing up and moving towards the door.

 

 

"Luke, please don't leave. I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I just..."

 

 

"I know Bo, but I can't talk about this right now," he said in a soft voice before walking out the door.

 

 

"Luke!" I yelled, throwing back the covers and trying to get out of the bed. Uncle Jesse was there before I could get out of the bed, pushing me back against the pillows, "Uncle Jesse, please I have to find him. Please, I can't lose him, help me?" I begged uselessly.

 

 

"Bo, you ain't gonna do anybody any good if you go wandering these halls and hurt yourself. Now Luke will be back, he just needs some time to think and get over being mad," Uncle Jesse assured me.

 

 

"You don't know that Uncle Jesse, not for sure," I insisted, trying again to get up.

 

 

"Yes I do Bo. I raised all three of you didn't I? You think I don't know exactly what Luke's doing right now? Now you stop this foolishness, Luke is just outside getting some air and cooling off. He knows he's too angry and hurt right now to talk to you rationally. As soon as he calms down, he'll be back and you boys will work this out between ya's. You just lay here and rest like the doctor told you to, Luke'll be back soon," Uncle Jesse ordered me.

 

 

"Yes sir," I mumbled, laying back and trying my best to obey.}

 

 

 

 

I left Bo's room and headed outsid; I knew the way I left and what I'd said would upset him. I couldn't stay though, not when I was this mad. I had no doubt that if I stayed in that room, I was going to say something I'd regret, something I couldn't just take back. The funny part was, I knew exactly why Bo hadn't told me about the cut or the concussion. I knew better than anybody just how much he hated hospitals, Lord knew he'd spent enough time in them as a kid. Every time he had to go to the hospital cause of an asthma attack, he would come home worn out and terrified. Uncle Jesse knew Bo was afraid of the hospital, but he didn't know how bad it was. I was the one who shared a room with him, it was me that heard him whimpering in his sleep. It was my bed he climbed into after a nightmare, seeking comfort and safety. I was the only one he ever confided in about his fears, telling me about the frightening things he saw and heard while he waited on the doctor.

 

 

That didn't excuse him though, he's a grown man and he should know better than to lie, especially when it concerns his health. *Dang it Bo, did you think I wasn't going to find out?* Walking around the hospital grounds, I kept reminding myself of Bo's fears. Told myself that he didn't lie out of meanness or anything, he just didn't want to stay in the hospital. As I walked, well stomped is more like it, I could feel the tension and anger slowly draining out of me. I wasn't ready to talk to Bo yet though, that's when I saw her. Sitting at a table in a small courtyard, was an older lady, tears streaking her face. "Um, pardon me ma'am, I don't mean to intrude, but is there anything I can do?"

 

 

"Oh my," she whispered, laying one hand on her chest, startled by my voice. "I appreciate the offer honey, but I'm afraid there isn't," she said. I didn't know what to do, she was obviously upset, and I didn't want to intrude. But I didn't want to leave her alone, not without trying at least one more time, she spoke before I could. "Maybe there is one thing, would you mind sitting with me for a bit, I could use the company."

 

 

"Why sure, I can do that," I replied, sitting down in a chair across the table from her. "My name's Luke Duke, nice to meet ya."

 

 

"Bonnie Simpson, likewise," she replied, holding out her hand.

 

 

"Would you like to talk about what's upsetting you Mrs. Simpson?"

 

 

"Bonnie please...I'm up here visiting my husband, he's dying."

 

 

"I'm sorry to hear that Bonnie. Are you here alone?"

 

 

"Tonight I am, our children came home to say good-bye, they're at the motel now. I just couldn't bear to leave him alone, he's always hated hospitals you know. If he knew that he was here, he'd be so scared right now."

 

 

"He doesn't know?" I asked, confused by her statement.

 

 

"No he doesn't, he's in a coma you see. My Rob has been in and out of hospitals for years, ever since he was first diagnosed with cancer. That's why he hates hospitals so much, and it's why I have to be here now. I can't let him die alone, it's his biggest fear. I needed some air though and the doctor's in with him now anyway. Who are you visiting Luke?" She asked, taking me by surprise.

 

 

"What? Oh, I'm visiting my cousin, he was in an accident. He's not hurt bad though, just a concussion, some bruises and a cut on his leg."

 

 

"So you're angry at the person who caused his accident?"

 

 

"How did you know I'm angry?" I asked her, surprised that she had picked up on it. I can usually hide my emotions better than that, especially from strangers.

 

 

"I worked for thirty years as a nurse Luke, you learn to read people after a while. Would you like to talk about it?"

 

 

"He lied to us, tried to hide the concussion and the cut on his leg so we'd take him home tonight. He doesn't like hospitals either, see he had asthma as a kid and had to spend a lot of time at the hospital. It scared him a lot, the things he'd see while he was in the emergency room waiting. He used to have terrible nightmares about the doctor's cutting his legs off, or putting him in a.... Oh God, how could I have forgotten that? One time he had to spend the night in the hospital, it was a really severe attack. He woke up in the middle of the night and left his room, probably looking for Uncle Jesse or Aunt Martha. They found him down in the morgue, staring at a little boy not much older than him. Kid had drowned and was laying in a drawer, I don't know why the drawer was open with nobody around. Aw hell, Bo wasn't but eight years old when that happened, he was terrified after that of sleeping in the hospital. Bonnie are you going to be okay?" I asked, suddenly understanding exactly why Bo wanted to go home so badly that he'd lie to us. I needed to get back to him. I didn't even know if Bo knew why he'd lied but I needed to let him know I wasn't mad anymore, yet I didn't want to leave her alone.

 

 

"I'll be fine Luke, you go on and take care of your cousin, I need to get back to Rob too," she replied, standing up.

 

 

 

Hurrying back into the hospital, I all but ran to Bo's room, not caring if it made the nurses mad. Stopping outside the door, I took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down. Pushing open the door, I walked in and went straight to Bo's side.

 

 

"Luke, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have lied..."

 

 

"Shh, it's alright darlin I understand why you did it," I told him, placing a finger across his lips. "I'm not mad anymore, but Bo I don't ever want you to do that again, okay?"

 

 

"I won't Luke, I promise," he swore to me. Leaning forward, he wrapped his arms around me and held on tight. I could feel him trembling in my arms, though whether it was from fear or relief I wasn't sure. Running my hands up and down his back, I soothed him as best as I could.

 

 

"Bo?" I began, drawing back slightly so I could look him in the eye. "I know how much you hate staying in the hospital, but you know that sometimes it's necessary. Now I'll tell you what, if it's alright with the doctor, I'll stay here tonight and if it's not then I'll take you home, okay?"

 

 

"You mean it?"

 

 

Nodding my head in answer, I couldn't help smiling when he once again leaned his head against my shoulder.

 

 

"Now Luke, I don't think that's a good idea," Uncle Jesse protested.

 

 

"Why not Uncle Jesse? I know it's better if he stays here, but he can rest at home just as well. For that matter, if he has to stay here alone, he probably won't get any rest at all." I told him, reminding him of Bo's reaction to being in the hospital.

 

 

"Fine you boys stay here and I'll go find the doctor."

 

 

Ten minutes later, Uncle Jesse was back with the news that the doctor had okayed my staying with Bo. Uncle Jesse stayed for a little while, visiting with Bo until Daisy arrived to take him home. By the time Daisy was able to get there, visiting hours were nearly over. So after a short visit, both Daisy and Uncle Jesse headed home, leaving us alone. It wasn't long after they left that Bo finally stopped fighting the pain killers, allowing himself to drift to sleep.

 

 

 

The next morning, at 10:00, the doctor released Bo. While we waited for Uncle Jesse and Daisy to pick him up, we talked quietly. Thirty minutes after his release, Bo was headed home with Uncle Jesse, and I was headed to see a lawyer. It didn't take long, fortunately, to find out what I needed to know. Within an hour I had all the information I needed. Stopping by a department store, I bought the few items I'd need for my plan and headed home.

 

 

 

 

{Two days after I was released from the hospital, Sherry called. In order for Luke's plan to work, I would have to pick the meeting place. "Hello Sherry," I said, my voice sullen. Luke had told me that I had to sound angry and irritated or she'd get suspicious. That wasn't very difficult to pull off, seeing as how I was both.

 

 

"Well I see the first thing I'm going to have to work on is your manners. Would you like to try that again, or should I just go to the Boar's Nest and make an announcement?"

 

 

Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to speak pleasantly. "Hello Sherry, what can I do for you?"

 

 

"That's much better Bo. In the future, you just remember who's in charge and we'll get along fine. Now have you thought about my proposal?"

 

 

"Yeah, I'll do it. When do ya want to meet?" I asked her, hoping it would be soon, I really just wanted to get this over with.

 

 

"Well I don't see any reason to waste time, how about this evening at say eight o'clock?" Sherry all but purred her question into my ear.

 

 

"Okay, um you know I don't have a lot of money, but my uncle has a cabin at one of his old still sites." I told her. Not surprisingly, she didn't like that idea a bit.

 

 

"Bo Duke, if you're going to insult me like that...I suppose I can't blame you for not having a lot of money. I'll tell ya what, I can afford to pay so I'll rent a motel room, you pick the place," hook, line and sinker, just like Luke planned. I couldn't help smiling at how easy it was to manuever her into place.

 

 

 

"Alright, there's a little place between Hazzard and Capital City," I told her. After giving her directions, I said good-bye and hung up. Turning to Luke, I couldn't keep the smile off my face, "She went for it."

 

 

 

"So I heard, okay you'll need to get there early and have the room by the time she gets there. I just hope this works, if it doesn't I don't know what we'll do," he murmurred under his breath.

 

 

"It will babe, I know it will," I assured him.

 

 

That evening at seven, I pulled into the parking lot of the motel and headed to the office. Getting a room, I took the key from the clerk and went outside where Luke was waiting. Walking to the room, Luke carrying the equipment we needed, I prayed everything would go well. Unlocking the door, we stepped inside and began to make our preparations. At ten minutes before eight, Luke stepped into the closet and I went outside to wait.

 

 

Seeing Sherry pulled into the lot, I waved her over towards the room. Parking her car directly in front of the room, she climbed out and stepped up to me. Figuring she would expect me to act like a lover, I wrapped my arm around her and led her into the room. Once inside, I pulled away from her and nervously walked over to the dresser. Refusing to look at the bed, I didn't even notice when she moved over to stand next to me.

 

 

I jumped, startled, when she began to run her fingers lightly up and down my arm. "Now darlin, is that anyway to act?"

 

 

"Don't call me that," play acting or not, I couldn't stand to hear her call me by that name.

 

 

"Oh that's right, you don't like it when I call you that, do you darlin? I think we better get a few things straight Bo," she said, pulling me towards the bed and pushing me onto it. Straddling my legs, she pushed me backwards until I was laying down, but with my feet still on the floor. Reaching behind her, she began to massage my cock through my jeans, "Now first of all, I call the shots. That means, if I want to call you darlin, I will. You have no say here Bo, no power, or I'll be forced to tell the world your dirty secret. I was nice enough to let you pick the place, but that's all you get to do. I'll decide when we meet, and when you kiss me, I better feel like you mean it. You will make love to me, whenever I say or I tell all of Hazzard that you're fucking your cousin. It's really your choice Bo," she reminded me, getting up and ordering me to strip.

 

 

Before I could make a move, Luke threw open the closet door, "That's where you're wrong Sherry." Luke spoke from behind her, making her jump as she whirled around to face him.

 

 

"What are you doing here?" Sherry demanded, her voice shaking slightly as she spoke.

 

 

"Oh, just protecting the man I love from a predatory bitch. Don't say another word Sherry, ya never know who might be listening." Luke told her, nodding towards me.

 

 

I never knew a person's eyes could get that big. Sherry's eyes were as big as saucers when she saw the tape recorder in my hand. "Don't you just hate it when you're plans blow up in your face?"

 

 

"So, what are ya gonna do? Threaten to ruin my reputation?" Sherry asked sarcastically, obviously she knew that had been ruined a long time ago.

 

 

"Nope," Luke answered, waiting for her to turn back around before he continued. "See Sherry we have everything on tape. Now I guess you didn't realize it, but what you just did is a crime. Two crimes actually, extortion and attempted rape."

 

 

"Atttempted rape? Are you crazy? A woman can't rape a man, I bet there ain't even any laws on the books to cover something like that."

 

 

"Well then you'd lose the bet. Not only can a woman rape a man, but the law recognizes that it can happen. So here's the deal, you leave Bo alone, don't come near him and don't ever try this with anybody else. If you bother Bo again or we hear about you doing this to some other guy, we'll turn the tape into the state police. By the way Sherry, the statute of limitations on extortion is four years and for attempted rape it's seven. I figure by the time those statutes run out, me and Bo will already have told everybody and it won't matter. What's it gonna be, you gonna leave Bo alone, not do this to anybody else and keep your mouth shut about us, or...." Luke trailed off, letting the threat hang in the air.

 

 

"Fine, I'll do what you say," Sherry sullenly agreed. Straightening her clothes, she shot a look of pure hatred my way before storming out and slamming the door.

 

 

 

The second the door shut, I felt my knees buckling and I had to sit down. As I touched the edge of the bed, I jumped away as though I'd touched a hot stove and landed on the floor. Not surprisingly, Luke was kneeling beside me in seconds, wrapping his arms around me. "Thank you Luke," I whispered, more relieved than I could say that it was over.}

 

 

 

Seeing Bo land on the floor with a thud, I rushed to his side and took him in my arms. "What for?" I asked him when he said thank you.

 

 

"For having a good plan, for believing me, just for being you," he replied as he began to shake. "Luke what's wrong with me?"

 

 

"Nothing's wrong with ya Bo, just everything catching up to ya is all. What do ya say we get out of here and go home?"

 

 

"Not home, I...Luke can we go to the cabin? I need to feel your touch, please Luke I want to forget that she ever touched me."

 

 

"Whatever you need Bo, whatever you need," I assured him. Pulling him to his feet, I grabbed the tape recorder and led him outside. After getting Bo settled in the General and putting the recorder in the trunk, I went to the office and turned in the room key. It wasn't long before we were pulling up to the cabin at the old still site.

 

 

Walking inside, I was surprised when Bo suddenly shoved me up against a wall and began to kiss me. I couldn't help growing hard at the feel of his lips on mine and the feel of his hands tearing the clothes from my body.

 

 

"Luke, I want you to make love to me, please I need to feel you inside me. Make me yours babe, please," he begged, his voice thick with need.

 

 

"Bo," I groaned out, my body screaming at me to say yes, but I knew it would be wrong. "Not like this Bo," I managed to whisper. *Aw Bo,* I hated the look of pain in his eyes, especially knowing I was the one who put it there.

 

 

"Don't you want me?"

 

 

"More than I can say, but I want it to be right Bo. The first time we make love, I want it to be for the right reasons, not just to erase her touch. Bo, I tried to use sex as a way to deal with what I was feeling and when that wasn't enough I turned to pain. I don't want you to end up like me, and there's one other thing, the most important thing of all."

 

 

"What's that?" Bo asked, drawing away from me, convinced that I was just rejecting him.

 

 

"When I make love to you for the first time, I want it to be the most beautiful experience of your life. I want it to be something you'll never forget and will always look back on with a smile. I never want you to look back on that first time with even a second's regret," I told him, hoping he would understand.

 

 

"You...Luke that was beautiful, thank you. I guess I can wait, but not too long okay?"

 

 

 

 

{ Three weeks later the time finally came, I had gotten past what Sherry had tried to do. Luke hadn't told me how he would know when the time was right. Maybe it was when I stopped flinching at the word darlin, or the sound of a woman's voice, but for whatever reason he decided it was time. I knew he was up to something all day. Several times he had disappeared without a word, and when I asked Uncle Jesse he always claimed he didn't know. The way he would smile though, like he knew a secret, I didn't really believe him. That night, Luke asked me if I wanted to go down to the Boar's Nest with him for a while. Not having anything else to do and wanting to know what he was up to, I agreed and headed for a shower. After we'd both had showers and were dressed in clean clothes we got in the General and pulled out of the yard. We didn't head for the Boar's Nest though, instead Luke drove off in the opposite direction. As soon as I saw the hidden turn-off, I knew where we were going and hoped I knew why.

 

 

 

Getting out of the General, Luke led the way inside. When I walked in the door, I suddenly forgot how to breathe. The bed had been covered with my favorite quilt from home, and the room was awash in candlelight. Sitting on the table was a bouqet of wildflowers and two wine glasses, beside the table sat an ice bucket, a bottle of wine chilling inside it. "Luke, it's beautiful," I told him when I could breathe again. Turning towards him, I took him in my arms and claimed his lips in a passionate kiss.

 

 

"It doesn't hold a candle to you darlin," he whispered, and I couldn't help grinning at the joke.

 

 

"That was bad, good thing I like bad," I whispered back, leaning down to kiss him again. Letting Luke lead me into the room, I soon found myself seated on the bed. Stepping away from me, Luke walked to the table and poured us each a glass of wine.

 

 

"Thank you," I said, taking the glass from him and slowly sipping it.

 

 

"To us," he proposed holding up his glass in a toast. Clinking the glasses together, we each took another sip and then he sat his down on the table. Slowly pulling his shirt from his jeans, he sensously began to undo the snaps of his shirt.

 

 

Watching him stripping for me, I licked my lips in anticipation. Looking at him, I made no effort to hide the hunger I felt for him. Standing up, I began to match his movements, wishing it was his hands on my body, I wondered if he wished the same. Soon we were both naked, as though we were being pulled by a magnet, we moved towards each other. Drawing me into his arms, he pressed his lips to mine in a hungry kiss.

 

 

Moaning with pleasure, I never wanted this kiss to end, but like all good things it had to. Not giving me a chance to miss the feel of his mouth on mine, Luke moved to trail kisses down my throat and onto my chest. I didn't know when, but at some point I had ended up on the bed, Luke lying beside me as he showered kisses on my body. Stopping his downward trail, he began to suckle at my nipples, making me squirm with the intense pleasure. "Oh God...Luke...feels so good," I couldn't believe how good this felt. Even though Luke had teased me this way many times, every time somehow always felt like the first time. Leaving my nipples, he slowly kissed and nibbled his way down my body, returning time and again to my lips. Finally he, began to kiss his way up the side of my cock, and I thought I would come apart from the pleasure. I jumped slightly when he began to press one slick finger into my ass. It didn't really hurt any, just felt strange and I hadn't been expecting it. As he began to move the finger in and out, he continued to suck on me, never letting up but always varying the rythym. After several minutes, he added a second finger, scissoring them apart, stretching the muscle. Just after he added a third finger, he finally touched my prostate, making me jump so hard I nearly rammed myself down his throat. I'd read about all of this, but the books I'd read didn't come close to what I was experiencing. It only took a couple of strokes across my prostate and I was shooting my load, screaming Luke's name as I came. "That was...I love you Luke, please make love to me. Make me yours, in every way, please," I begged as I pulled him up for a deep kiss.

 

 

"Bo, it would be easier for you if you were on your knees, but..."

 

 

"You want to see my face? It's okay Luke, I know it's gonna hurt some the first time, but I want to see your face too."

 

 

"I love you darlin," Luke whispered, reaching down and applying a generous amount of lube to his cock. Moving to lay between my legs, he pushed my legs towards my chest as he continued to stretch me with his fingers. When I was as relaxed as possible, he positioned himself at my opening and slowly pushed his way inside. I couldn't help hissing with pain as the muscle was stretched further than it had ever been before. "It's alright Luke, just give me a minute," I assured him when I saw the look of fear on his face. Taking several deep breaths I forced myself to relax my muscles and felt Luke slipped a little further in as I did. Moaning at the feeling of fullness, I began to feel a fire building deep in my groin, "Move Luke, please babe I need you to move."

 

 

Smiling, the relief obvious, Luke began to move in and out, slowly working his way inside. Once fully sheathed, it didn't take him long to find my prostate again. Pulling out and then pushing back in, he somehow managed to hit that spot each time. As my lover moved inside me the fire slowly built until it was a raging inferno. The feel of his cock rubbing across my prostate soon had me hard again and I reached for my aching cock. Using my hand, I pumped my cock until Luke and I were moving together in perfect rythym. As much as I wanted this to last, I knew I couldn't take much more of this wonderful pleasure. A few minutes later, I was screaming Luke's name again as I came all over my hand and his stomach. Seconds later I heard Luke calling my name as he shot his load deep inside me.

 

 

Carefully pulling from my body, Luke stood up and retrieved a cloth. Going to the stove, he wet it in the pan of water I hadn't even noticed before. Wringing it out he came back to my side and using the warm, wet cloth he gently cleaned me up. The love and gentleness in his touch, moving me in ways I could never describe. After cleaning himself, he pulled back the quilt and I climbed beneath it, joined by Luke a second later. Turning towards him, I couldn't help thinking how much better it had been to wait.

 

 

"Thank you Luke, I'm so glad you made me wait. I'll never forget how wonderful tonight was, or how lucky I am to have your love."

 

 

"I'm the lucky one Bo, and I'll never forget it either. For the first time since I first realized I was in love with you I really understand what pleasure is supposed to be. Thank you for never giving up on me Bo, for showing me that I can love you without guilt," Luke softly said. Leaning towards me, he kissed me gently, and a moment later he lay his head on my shoulder, a smile on his face. }

 

 

 

Moving my head slightly, I let my head rest against his chest, the sound of his heartbeat soothing me. For the first time in a long time, I drifted to sleep feeling truly at peace.

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